Today I had sort of an epiphany, I guess you could say. If not, that word is just kind of fun to say, and I really don't know how else to describe my thoughts. Because honestly, my brain is fried. So much to do and think about in the next 3 days...yes, 3 days!!! We leave in 3 days!!!
Anyway, back to my first point. I worked in McPherson today with Disability Supports and upon finishing traveled downtown to the Health Food Mart to get a few things to take with us when we travel. As I was talking to the cashier, I suddenly found myself talking about Jesus, and how He is revealing Himself to me so much through this adoption, and that I have been humbled beyond words by His grace through our faith, and on and on...and we talked some more about how she had recently converted from Mormonism to Christianity and how she is growing so much in her spiritual walk. But that wasn't the epiphany. It occurred to me on the drive home as I was replaying our conversation in my head. I did not even think twice about bringing Jesus into our conversation...it just rolled off my lips. That is my epiphany. I did not get nervous about how the cashier would think of me if I mentioned the "J"-word. I did not worry about offending her. I did not talk myself out of 'going there' with her because I was in a hurry, or I didn't want to debate, or I didn't feel qualified, or I didn't know what to say, or I didn't want to turn her away with what I might say....no, nothing crossed my mind before the words poured out about my love for Jesus and His perfect work in my life. Nothing. Wow! At that moment, I realized that the Holy Spirit had spoken through me, given me the words to say, given me the confidence to say it, and removed all fear I had about what to say. Me, an every day person, with many short-comings, and sins.
Me. To do His work.
Wow.
I immediately remembered the verse, 'for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.' (Luke 6:45) Could it possibly be that God is really doing something in my heart? I tried to think about what could be the source of my deep joy and excitement, and yes...this adoption is exciting and humbling....but it isn't the reason for this joy. I think I have had some heart surgery lately and my heart is being changed. And I love it. And I love that I'm starting to feel it.
I honestly believe that we aren't only getting a son out of this adoption. Which is great, wonderful, and SO EXCITING!! But I believe I'm getting a changed heart. And I can't even put to words how I feel about that...maybe some day, but not today. Today I'm thanking Jesus for a changed heart.
Anyway, back to my first point. I worked in McPherson today with Disability Supports and upon finishing traveled downtown to the Health Food Mart to get a few things to take with us when we travel. As I was talking to the cashier, I suddenly found myself talking about Jesus, and how He is revealing Himself to me so much through this adoption, and that I have been humbled beyond words by His grace through our faith, and on and on...and we talked some more about how she had recently converted from Mormonism to Christianity and how she is growing so much in her spiritual walk. But that wasn't the epiphany. It occurred to me on the drive home as I was replaying our conversation in my head. I did not even think twice about bringing Jesus into our conversation...it just rolled off my lips. That is my epiphany. I did not get nervous about how the cashier would think of me if I mentioned the "J"-word. I did not worry about offending her. I did not talk myself out of 'going there' with her because I was in a hurry, or I didn't want to debate, or I didn't feel qualified, or I didn't know what to say, or I didn't want to turn her away with what I might say....no, nothing crossed my mind before the words poured out about my love for Jesus and His perfect work in my life. Nothing. Wow! At that moment, I realized that the Holy Spirit had spoken through me, given me the words to say, given me the confidence to say it, and removed all fear I had about what to say. Me, an every day person, with many short-comings, and sins.
Me. To do His work.
Wow.
I immediately remembered the verse, 'for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.' (Luke 6:45) Could it possibly be that God is really doing something in my heart? I tried to think about what could be the source of my deep joy and excitement, and yes...this adoption is exciting and humbling....but it isn't the reason for this joy. I think I have had some heart surgery lately and my heart is being changed. And I love it. And I love that I'm starting to feel it.
I honestly believe that we aren't only getting a son out of this adoption. Which is great, wonderful, and SO EXCITING!! But I believe I'm getting a changed heart. And I can't even put to words how I feel about that...maybe some day, but not today. Today I'm thanking Jesus for a changed heart.
Wonderful!
ReplyDeleteLove this story Anna, what a cool feeling to know the HS has spoken through you! Can't believe you're going in a few days!!! Hopefully you can update your blog while you're gone so we know what's going on with you!
ReplyDeleteAMEn! what an encouraging beautiful post brought to you by a sweet God :D
ReplyDeleteAnna,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this wonderful experience! What a praise for that woman to commit herself to Christ - and for you to be so on fire and excited for Him, you bring Him up wherever you go. Prayers and blessings to you on your trip. We'll have to have a reunion upon your return!
- Amy
Anna I can sooo relate. There is a new boldness rising up in me as you speak of. It is a huge deal to see God move in very tangible ways. I think of how Abraham and Sarah waited, how after Paul's conversion he waited, how even Jesus didn't begin his ministry until he was 30...waiting. I could go on and on but then when God makes his move, it is breath taking and makes me realize HE IS REAL. It is like the puzzle of my life falls apart and God puts it back together again and the final picture is so different then before. I am excited for you and appreciate you sharing in words, your life. You will be in my prayers!
ReplyDelete