С ДНЁМ РОЖДЕНИЯ

Happy Birthday to my little boy.

He is 2 years old today.

We had a birthday party with all of the little kiddos in his groupa and I'd like to say it was a hit.  Imagine this:  lots of balloons flying everywhere, kids screaming and laughing and running around, nanny's taking pictures with their phones, bananas for snacks, party hats on every little head of hair, chocolate bars for the nanny's, balloons popping, kids fighting over party hats, Blake crying when the nanny put his hat on, lots of hugs (well, I was giving out as many hugs and kisses as I could)...

I took a lot of pictures to put in Blake's life book, but I will not post them on here out of respect for the privacy of the orphanage and the children.

Smiling as he opened his present in the McDonald's Happy Meal box.

Now you see it...(the hat)

Now you don't...

He spent the majority of our visit taking things out of his box and putting them back in.

We bought him a hammer that makes noises and speaks in his language...he wasn't quite sure about it.

A Letter to Blake's Mommy.

I have thought a lot about what I might say to you if we ever had a run-in...and I'm not quite sure what I would say at the moment, but there are a few things I know for sure.

I do not look down on you for giving up your son for his diagnosis of Down Syndrome.  I realize in your culture a child like yours is seen as a curse and is not acceptable in society...so much so that it could effect your job, your husband's job, and your family's status and acceptance.  I will never judge you for this decision, because this is not my place.

What I do wonder is: do you ever think about him?  Do days like today make you sad, knowing you went into labor 2 years ago on this very day, giving birth to your precious boy?  Do you think of him often?  Do you wish he had been born "healthy" as your daughter was so he could be a part of your life?

Please know this...God created Him in your womb to be the very boy he is.  God loves him as much as he loves you and me and He cares for Him more than we can imagine or ever offer.  God also knew that you would be the vehicle needed to give birth to our child, our son, all the way across the world.  God knew this little boy would be ours from the very beginning and for that I am forever grateful to you.  I try to think about what I was doing 2 years ago on this very day, at this very moment, having no idea that my child was being born in a hospital to a woman I do not know.  With this, I have two conflicting emotions streaming through me: one of excitement and joy that God allowed me to be his mom anyway and that Blake was made for us....but also an emotion of sadness thinking he had to spend two years not knowing what a mommy or daddy is, not knowing what a birthday is, not knowing how love is supposed to feel-just because he isn't 'normal.'

God has prepared my heart for this little boy.  The child you gave birth too is stealing my heart, his zeal for life is contagious, and I am excited for what this boy, our son, will teach me about living and loving.  God has already used him in so many ways and I am anxious to see what his future holds. I will work to provide as many opportunities for Blake to grow, learn, thrive, and experience life.  He will now know the love of two sister's who will drive him crazy at times but love him endlessly.  He will be able to ride his bicycle in the front yard.  Make friends at school.  Open presents at Christmas.  Go fishing with his daddy.  Be spoiled by his grandparents.  Get excited about airplanes, trees, and tractors.  He will learn about Jesus.  Sing songs.  Laugh out loud and learn it's okay to cry.   Eat cake.  Play with his own toys.  Eat until he is full.  Give kisses and hugs without fear.  I know he is a smart boy, I can tell already.  He will do so well in the U.S. in a place where he is treated like everyone else...but most of all, loved.

Thank you for this child,

Anna