Last Visits

A week or so ago, Shawn and Sarah witnessed a little boy and a younger, smaller girl be dropped off at the orphanage by what looked to be social workers.  It was a very unemotional process, the children were immediately changed out of their clothes and dressed in the orphanage's clothes.  Then the orphanage director's looked at each child's passport, glanced over 2 huge piles of paperwork (I'm assuming 1 for each child), then the kids were handed over and that was that.  No hugs, anything.  After Sarah told me this story my mind begin to wander to 'those' places...What happened to their parents?  Did this little boy think he was just coming here to play?  Did he witness something horrible?  What does he know?  Will this little baby girl every remember her mommy?  Or will the orphanage be her only memory of home? She has to be SO scared...so confused...so sad.

Ugh.  Makes my stomach churn.

Today we were having our playtime with Blake in the music room and 2 people on staff at the orphanage appeared.  One carrying the blue backdrop that we saw in this picture...and another one carrying a little boy.  I knew immediately he had to be the boy Sarah and Shawn were talking about.  He looked so scared.  His eyes were wide open.  His manner stiff and uncertain.  They stood him up against this backdrop and begin loudly directing him in their language...he kept looking at us with these eyes that made my throat close up. I could just feel his heart racing.  Fear dripped out of his little quivering lip.

I thought it could not get any worse...until they brought in his baby sister.  I would guess she is maybe 1 or 2.  She is very tiny.

They stood her in front of the same backdrop, expecting her to stand and smile.  She immediately crumpled up into a little ball.  Her knees buckled, her hands went to her face, and the tears streamed down her face as she screamed...screamed for someone to help her understand.  Cried tears of sadness.  Her little body shook as they tried to comfort her enough to get a good picture. Over and over again they brought her in to try to take her picture, but to no avail.  They gave her candy, gave her toys, gave her silly faces...but they could not give her what she wants and needs.  The love of her mommy and daddy.

It took all I had to keep my rear end planted to the seat Blake and I were sharing.  I just wanted to scoop her up and hold her, whisper to her, comfort her, sing to her and promise her that someone will be coming to rescue her...to be her family.  But then I realized I couldn't make a promise I didn't know if I could keep.

I realize the orphanage did all they could to help these children know it's okay.  They were doing their job.  They were working to get a good picture/profile of these 2 children, so they could find a new family.  But they can only do so much.  An orphanage is not a family.

It was a long, quiet taxi ride back to our apartment as my heart continued to break for these children--these poor, broken souls, with no voice.  I prayed for God to continue to help me remember these things...to continue to be broken by these images, to not be ignorant. As we plan to go home for a few days during our 10-day wait, my prayer is to not get caught up in the 'fluff' of life, by all the distractions that keep me from thinking and praying for these children and these orphanages.  I pray that I will continue to make children like Blake my passion.  I cannot leave this place unchanged.  Not with what I know now.

You just can't understand or know the brokenness in this world until you witness it, make it important, and clear all other unimportant things in life out of the way.  I used to think that how we live is a matter of where our hearts are, of how we live with what we have...but no longer is this my thought.  No.  Our hearts can't be in the right place until we go there...until we live in reckless abandonment of the temporary things of this life...until we surrender it all...living in total faith of God's power and sovereignty over all.  It has nothing to do with material things, giving them up or keeping them...living in a smaller house or a bigger one...no.  It has nothing to do with waiting for His calling, waiting for a sign, waiting for the Holy Spirit's prompting...NO.

It has everything to do with Going now.  Moving.  Acting.  Being.
We all know about the poor, the sick, the starving, the lonely, the hurting, the abandoned.  Yes, we all know about these things.  Yet, we still wait.  Wait.  Wait.

...because we don't believe God is strong enough.

Tomorrow at 11:30 am (4:30 am central time) we will petition to the court to be named Blake's parents.  We ask for you to pray for the Holy Spirit's presence in this time, for His will to be done.  For our words to speak to these people, to this country that every child deserves a family.  No matter what their race, color, or disability.  Pray that the court's decision is favorable upon us.  Pray that we can be transparent in this setting as God's hand moves over the hearts in the people in this court room, as He glorifies Himself.  Pray His love will shine through.  Pray that the judge finds it in her heart to grant us the 10-day wait as just that...10 days in a row, including weekends.  Different regions follow this 10-day wait rule differently.  I would love to be able to bring our son home before Thanksgiving, if it is in God's timing and will for us.  So please pray.