Floating

Since we had our State Department of Adoption appointment (SDA) Monday, Oct. 17th, I haven't been able to dismiss these unknown questions circulating around in my brain about Blake.  We learned that he has an older sister who lives at home with his mother and family.  We learned that the mother gave up all rights of Blake at birth and he arrived at the orphanage at 3 months old.  I'm assuming he was in the hospital up until then.  His father was not listed on the birth certificate and was only listed as "Alexander"...which is a name that the hospital will list on the birth certificate when the father is unknown or wishes to remain unknown because it is a popular name in this country for men.  Upon arriving at the orphanage, we learned in all of Blake's nearly 2 years of life (his birthday is on Tuesday, Nov 1) he has never once had a visitor.  Not even once.  This is where my mind starts to go wild with the: What?  Who?  When?  Why?  How?

How old is his sister?  What is she like?  Does she know about Blake?  What is his mother like?  Does she think about her son she gave up?  How can she not even care?  Does she wish she hadn't given him up?  Has she told her daughter about her brother?  What about his father?  Does Blake have the same father as his sister?  Did he not want to be listed on the birth certificate because of Blake's diagnosis?  Or was he really not around?  How was the mother's pregnancy? 

This is just the beginning...this morning while we were playing with Blake on our 1 visit for today because of it being Sunday, I felt the Holy Spirit press on my heart this thought.  "Let it go.  Trust that I know.  You will never know and have to be okay with that.  I am in control here.  Focus on what you do know about this child now."

At that point, I prayed for forgiveness and surrendered these thoughts to Him.  I will tell you I honestly felt a weight lifted.  I haven't been able to pinpoint why I have felt distracted lately, and feel like that was one layer of it being peeled away.  I'll keep praying for sensitivity to the Holy Spirit's guidance on the rest...but until then I want you share with you what I do know about our little guy now. 

**He recognized us today!!  We snuck into his groupa to spy on him a bit and he was in his crib sitting with a few other little babies, he spotted us from across the room and he lunged up in the air to stand up and when we didn't come to get him right away he started crying.  Poor boy!  I will have to say it made my heart swell!  On to the pictures.

He loves to throw things and knock things over.  (he's all boy!)

 

 He loves to snuggle and give hugs which I'm so thankful for!

 He sits still about as long as Autum to read a book.  He has more fun flipping the pages while you try to read it.

 

He flaps his wings like a birdie about to take off when he gets excited!

...especially when it's a snack!

 

He loves stacking and restacking the rings and makes these little grunting sounds when he gets it all stacked up right!

 He has never used a sippy cup or bottle before, note all the 

water spilling down his chin and overalls..

He can throw a fit when he is upset. He throws his head back and arches his 

back and cries.  This was when we wouldn't give him anymore snacks.

By the end of our visit, he is really tired and just wants to be rocked and sung too.  His favorite is Jesus Loves  Me...he'll lie his head on my shoulder and relax, then every so often he'll lift his head up to look at me and then lie it back down and just rest.

Thank you Lord, for helping me realize how blessed we are by this little child and for making him ours from the beginning.