Autum's Complaint Letter to Santa

Before I clear the air on some things...Mommy wanted me to say something about a party for that little crazy man that has been running around our house.  She said to mention it is Sunday at 3 pm in Hillsboro.  It's come and go, so if you are like me, and can only take so much of that noisy little boy, then you can leave when you want.  I wouldn't blame you if you did.  No gifts, unless you want to bring something for me, I look good in purple...and snacks are always welcome!  Anyway, instead make a donation for the Farley family's adoption of Sergey.  He is pretty cute, you can read more about him here: www.farleykids.blogspot.com.  Here is a picture.  His mommy and daddy are working to bring him home like we did our ornery little stinker, but they need our help.  You can make an online donation at http://reecesrainbow.org/?s=Farley+family&x=0&y=0 or you can mail a check to my mommy and she'll get it where it needs to go.  Make checks out to Reece's Rainbow.

He has his tongue out like Blake always does, wonder if he makes as many silly faces?  Must be a boy thing.

Dear Santa,

I am really disappointed in you this year.  For some reason, this skinny-leg, stinky little person has taken over my house.  I know for a fact I did not mention I wanted this for Christmas this year.  I told him I was going to write a complaint letter to you if he did not leave.  And alas, HE.IS.STILL.HERE.  I said I wanted a baby doll, all my own, that I did not have to share with Big Sissy.  I didn't even care if she cried or poo-poo'ed.  But I did NOT want a real-life little man that takes up half my room, and hogs all the water under the bathroom faucet for Christmas.  SO I am asking that you take him back.  Here are my reasons why:

He keeps calling me a crazy-haired, chubby little girl.  That itself should get him on the 'naughty' list.  I'm thinking coal in his stocking would be the least you could do for that.  And while you are at it, throw in a few Kleenex or burp rags because that boy has boogers coming out of his nose the size of my right thigh--every morning.  And it gets worse...he eats them!!  You should see the lump come up in Mommy's throat every time he sucks one of those slimy things into his lips and proceeds to chew on it before swallowing.  Mommy thinks he raises his hands up in the air to be picked up to cuddle, but what she doesn't know is he uses her shoulder as a rag to wipe up the remaining drippage.  Sidenote: Don't bring her anymore black shirts, the snot stains show up the worst on that color.   

He throws all the toys you brought me last year for Christmas down the stairs AND he bangs them against the wall and the kitchen floor.  I have no idea what he is trying to accomplish except for making a LOT of noise.  So do not bring him any toys, he will not treat them very nicely, if you do.  If you do like I suggested and put him on the naughty list, he won't be getting anything anyways.  Maybe some ear plugs for the rest of us would be nice.

Also, he won't eat his vegetables, specifically green beans and peas.  He smashes all of his peas between his fingers and throws them against the wall.  And the green beans, he just throws them on the floor.  Mommy is always telling Big Sissy that people in other parts of the world don't get to eat whenever they want, so we should all eat the food God has blessed us with.  You could blame that reason in itself for the 'roundness' that little boy keeps describing me as having.  Who wants to waste food when you hear something like that?


He pushes me a lot.  If I decide to get on the toy slide because he is, he pushes me down.  I'm still not real steady on my feet, you know, and so when I try to climb over the top of him to get up the side of the slide, he pushes me and I land on my bottom.  Not nice!!  Same thing when he is playing with a toy I decide I want to play with, or when he sits on Mommy's lap to read books with us...he pushes me.  Again, tell your elves to stop making whatever gifts they had in mind for this little monster....a spank on the behind should be all he gets. 

Then, he posts pictures like this one for everyone to see.  He didn't even ask for my permission. This happened while Mommy was putting that little stinker down for a nap one day, yes, during the time that used to be just mine and Mommy's part of the day.  I had a bowl full of Puffs to eat as a snack, I guess to keep me quiet while he was nearing sleep.  So I finished all of them and decided to put the bowl on my head like we do the peaches, to see if it was as fun, and this is what happened.  The crumbs from the bowl coated my face and shirt...even my eyelashes were caked.  Mommy just thought it was the funniest thing and took this picture.  If she wasn't the one to feed me, I would say put her on the naughty list too, but I can't ruin the good thing I have going with her.

Finally,  instead of the new gun Daddy wants for Christmas this year, bring him some air freshener and trash sacks.  He woke me up at 5 am the other morning, because he was gagging and throwing up in the Diaper Genie, while trying to change one of Blake's disgusting, horrible, knock-your-socks-off diapers.  Poor Mommy has to change his diaper's from now on so Daddy can at least eat breakfast before going to work each morning. And could you please bring Mommy another pair of sweatpants? Daddy keeps trying to throw away her favorite pair of maroon sweats from high school softball but she keeps finding them and wearing them.  Thanks!

If you need anymore proof that this little man needs to leave...look at this.  Traitor!!

 Thank you for taking all of this into consideration, I look forward to you taking care of this situation as soon as possible.  Send Rudolph to do your dirty work if you are too busy, I don't care, just help me out.
Love, 
Autum

PS If you don't take this crazy little maniac away, then don't expect to find any Dr. Pepper or sugar cookies waiting for you when you arrive.