Now and Then

I look back at pictures of Blake's first few visits with Jerad and I and can now see the fear he had in his eyes.  The uncertainty of who we were, what we were doing with him, and why we cared.  I laugh at how concerned I was with his disposition the first week, wondering why he wasn't acting like he had been described as being: active! It didn't cross my mind, or at least not enough to make sense, that he has lived the past 2 year's of his life in this orphanage...with no visitors.  No one there to specifically visit him and love on him.  So I cannot even imagine the emotions and feelings he was experiencing when we were around.

These are Day 1 & 2 pics...look at his eyes...I can see the fear and uncertainty.

It seemed like Day 5 he really came alive.  Which is what I have read from other parents who have adopted children around Blake's age.  He finally started to smile and 'play' with us.  I began to see a little glimmer in his eyes, like "you came back?!  I kind of like this.."  Can you see it?
Days 5, 6, 7

But there was still a fear of fully letting us 'in' to his life.  Probably by 2 1/2 weeks we finally got a good giggle.  We finally heard him jabber away endlessly.  We finally were worn out trying to keep up with his 'active' little body.  He was starting to seek us out now, for hugs and tickles.  He will hold his arms up for us to pick him up or to help him down.  He will sit on our laps (still not to eat, though).  And his snuggles only last for a few seconds now...but they are still there.  I can tell he's trying to feel okay with hugs and kisses, just still not sure. 
Days 10+...I think he's back! :)

 

 I am already having anxiety over leaving Blake here...worry that we'll lose the bond we have created with him, fear that he might wonder where we went, concerned he'll think we abandoned him, and just plain sadness over missing the little stinker!  So pray for this to be maintained while we are gone, refreshing, and enjoying our last few days together with just the girls.