This event not only tested our endurance, strength, mental toughness, and cardiovascular health...but this past weekend also presented another challenge I have not had to face in a Crossfit competition yet: people's (including myself) lack of integrity. The workout was called Max Snatch. So I chose to interpret the workout as just that. Lift as heavy as a weight over your head as you can. Others chose to lift lesser weight and do more reps. Which wasn't how the programmers intended the workout to be done, but unfortunately a loophole left people with a decision...do what they ask and possibly lose a spot on the podium or do other than what they ask and place in the top 3. Well, I chose to do the workout as they asked because I knew I couldn't accept an award knowing I didn't follow the rules.
But this wasn't the lesson I learned. After this workout was over, I became very angry and bitter. I am an eternal optimist and so I choose to see all people as good until they prove me otherwise. Well, that is what happened. Some very athletic women, who I admire and looked up to, let me down, in a sort of way. I was disappointed. And I could not get out of my head why and how someone could do this...'cheat' the system to win...and so then I let it take over my thoughts and mind...it began to snowball and then I began to verbalize my disgust. Words I never should have said began to tumble out of my mouth. I had trouble sleeping that night as I tossed and turned over why I was letting it bother me so much.
"Was I upset because I didn't place, even though I knew I did the right thing--knowing I probably would have otherwise?"
"Was I that disappointed this much in the athletes that did the workout different than I did, in order to win?"
"Was I upset with myself for selfishly wishing I had gotten the praise I thought I deserved?"
"Was I upset with myself for letting this bother me so much?"
"Or was I just so tired I was letting this take over my mind out of pure exhaustion?"
I woke up Sunday morning nice and early at 5 am, thanks to Autum's screaming. I couldn't go back to sleep after getting her calmed down, so I flipped open my Bible, praying for peace of mind. My reading for that day was Ephesians 4. And it couldn't have been more timely.
"Eph. 4:29: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth's, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen...get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
SLAP. IN. THE. FACE.
I guess God knew I needed it laid out quite obviously, with no error for interpretation. So I immediately hit my knees. Pleading for forgiveness. For my selfishness. For letting my anger turn sinful. For the words I spoke out of bitterness. For the lack of building others up. For not being thankful for the compassion Christ continues to show me, despite my shortcomings.
And it was like a weight lifted. Literally!
Immediate release. Freedom.
Thank you God for your mercies that are new every morning. I went to that competition hoping to learn my weaknesses, physically, not realizing my biggest lesson learned would be a spiritual one.
I added that one to my workout log for this week. Lesson learned.