Monday, October 15, 2012

Giving Thanks.

Lately I've been overwhelmed with the sin of this world.  The echoes of the thundering fall of man in the Garden of Eden so long ago are still reverberating today.  Loud and clear.  And they are weighing heavy on my heart lately.

The echoes of injustice.
The echoes of an infant's death only 4 hours out of the womb.
The echoes of the cries of so many orphaned children, lonely, desperately wanting love and attention.
The echoes of a grandparent's sudden death.
The echoes of enacting 'tough love' on a rambunctious 6-year old.
The echoes of bad decisions made.
The echoes of fear of the unknown.
The echoes of having to let go of control.
The echoes of depression.
The echoes of homelessness.
The echoes of financial trouble.

So many things, so near to me.  All weighing in on my soul.  It can seem so hard.  It can seem hopeless.  Some days feeling like throwing in the towel, while crying out, "Why? Why?  Lord, save me from this.  How can this happen?"

But one thing I have seemingly forgotten.  Is to be thankful.  It is so easy to become worn down by all the pain.  The heartache.  The unexplainable.  The unknowing.  The hurting.

There are SO many terrible things happening in this world.  Way worse than the worst pain I've experienced.  But lately, in relation to my own life, one of the echoes I spoke of, comes directly from my difficulty here in our home.  Hint..hint...we have a 6-year old...

And it has just plain been tough, lately.  Sometimes I feel like I'm raising a 16-year old already.  Many nights I just pray, "Lord, why can't I just have a 'normal' child?  One who doesn't question everything?  One who doesn't fight back with so much passion?  One who can handle the 'typical' things in life?  One who just goes with the flow of life?  One who doesn't get so much under my skin?  One who doesn't know how to push my every button?  One who takes up so much of my energy and thoughts and prayers?

One who isn't SO MUCH LIKE ME..."

And there are days when its so tiring.  So hard.  And very difficult to love.

And I've seemed to let those negative thoughts take over and consume my whole being.  To infiltrate my mind.  My efforts.
And have left me not being very nice or patient, or kind, or joyful...

And then I remember that joy always comes with giving thanks.
So I have been working to write down every thing that comes to mind about my child that I'm so VERY thankful for.
Because I need my heart, mind, and focus to be changed.  I need a break in the clouds of darkness I've let loom over my soul.
I have overlooked the beauty Christ created in my child.  And that He created her and said "it was good."  And that she is fearfully and wonderfully made.  And that He has big plans for her future.  Her passion.  Her zeal for life. 

So for today...
I am thankful for her wholesome love for people.

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