Thursday, June 28, 2012

A big deal?

So I ran into an acquaintance I haven't seen for probably a year and a half now.  The last time I saw her I was WAY pregnant with Autum.  So she was not aware of the whirlwind last 2 years we have had, giving birth to her and then adopting Blake a year later. I began to unveil the shortened version of our experience with feeling God's leading to adopt a child, then finding out about Reece's Rainbow, then finding Blake, raising the money, traveling, arriving home, and then the past 6 months worth of adjusting, etc.  As the story unfolded, her eyes began to tear up, she kept covering her mouth with her hand as I told of the conditions that Blake would have been exposed to had he lived in the orphanage another 2 years.  She would gasp as I shared his progress now.  She would smile at my description of his silly laugh and his ornery 2-year old boy behaviors.  And finally as my story ended, she kept nodding her head in disbelief, I guess, at what we did.  She kept saying there needs to be more people like Jerad and I in this world, doing what we did. And I agree 100% with that...but I felt myself getting frustrated mainly, because I honestly, truly don't feel like we did anything spectacular.  Don't get me wrong, there are some days where it does seem so surreal when I look at Blake, like we didn't even go to Ukraine, to get him, its like I gave birth to him as I did the girls.  Probably because so much has happened since then, it seems like a dream.  Our lives are so different now.  But, as I was saying, I don't feel like we are 'special' people, like we should be looked upon as any differently than anyone else.  I just can't wrap my head around why she was giving me such compliments and so amazed at our story.  It was hard for me to accept the compliments actually.  I didn't want too.

As I was driving home from there, I kept thinking about our discussion and my initial reaction. 

Did we really do something crazy?
Am I nuts for not thinking we did anything spectacular?
Why was her reaction bothering me so much?

I am not sure.  A couple of things came to my, is that God has humbled us in so many ways through this experience because He truly is and was our reason for going, He was the one who made the way for us to go, He is the one who has gotten us through this past 6-month period of adjusting, and He is the one who should receive the credit.  And maybe that's why I couldn't accept the praise, because I don't feel we did anything...we were just the hands and feet to God's calling.  People do that everyday.

Another reason was that maybe I haven't really let the whole experience sink in yet.  I haven't really let myself dwell on what we saw, what we did, who we met, and how we are supposed to move forward with that information.  Maybe out of fear I haven't addressed this, maybe out of naivete, maybe because I haven't had or made time, and maybe because I haven't felt a real clear leading to what we are supposed to do based on this knowledge.  Right now my focus is my family...that's it.

And finally, maybe because God is protecting me from this prideful feeling of accomplishment that I could easily attach to our recent adventure.  I prayed and prayed to be changed, humbled.  To not be allowed to forget my experience and the emotions tied to it.  For my heart to always be touched and softened by the needs of the orphans, the children of Ukraine, and the mothers of children with special needs.  So I pray and pray for these things.  And maybe that is God's hand of protection over me.  Maybe so.

But anyway, I truly feel like any person can do what we did.  No degrees, no full bank accounts, no previous experience.  Just love.  Just hope.  Just faith.  Just courage.

 That's what I want to be known for.  Being courageous. (in Christ)  Being faithful.  (in Christ)  Being hopeful.  (in Christ) 

And most importantly, showing love. (in Christ)


  1. Yup, anybody can adopt a kid like Blake!! Go god!!!

    There's no need to save up (sweet godly people will give you the cash to rescue an orphan!! And if you don't feel like keeping the lil Reece's Rainbow angel, you have soooooo many options, like:

    - kick the kid to the curb (disrupt) like Autumn Winkle dis when she dumped Yuri (, Kari Reilly did to victor so she can adopt cuter younger lower maintenance orphans from Ethiopia ( Like the lady who adopted sweet lil kellsey is contemplating since the lil angel crimps her fun, exuberant busy and on the go family's lifestyle (; heck, kellsey's been exiled to grandmas for the summer so that the rest of the family can do fun stuff like go to Disneyland!!!!!).

  2. I've read your blog since Blakes adoption. I live in kansas and have a soon his age with ds. Saw you on the news. You are an amazing christian and answering Gods call is something so few christians seem to do these days. God bless you. As for annoymous responder, seriously don't you have something better to do than troll these blogs, can't Satan think of something more productive for you bc honestly your opinions mean nothing to these people.