Sunday, January 29, 2012

There's a Rumbling within Me

And no, it's not a rumbling like "you need to eat" growling.  Or a "you shouldn't have eaten so much" grumble. Ha!
But a stirring of the soul, you could say.

This feeling is very familiar to  It's hard to an unsettled, disturbed, inability to rest, deep within you feeling.  It's a nagging, almost. Constant.  It consumes your mind, your thoughts.  Depending on the day, this slow stirring can make me anxious, fearful, or excited.

You see.  This is the same feeling I dealt with for months before we committed to adopting Blake.  I just let go of my business, my identity, you could possibly say.  I had no direction.  Just wandering.  Feeling God's presence and guidance, but no clarity as to what and where and when.

I am back to that spot.  This rumbling within my soul, something is brewing beneath the surface.  I have NO idea what it is, but I now know where it is coming from.

It is the Holy Spirit.  I recognize the symptoms and now know the source.  Which is what bothers me and also excites me.  I am bothered because I have no idea what this rumbling is foreshadowing.  A valley or a hill?  Trial or tribulation?  It is just there. 

It hasn't chosen to rear its head yet.  But what I do know is...I need to pay attention to it.  I need to do some rearranging of my life so as to lend more time to listening, being still, and waiting.  More prayer, more fasting, more time in the Scriptures.  Because whatever this rumbling represents, it is going to be something big in our lives.  I just feel it.  I have experienced it once already. 

I don't feel it's related to adoption again, if you are wondering.  I haven't felt any pull that way as of yet.  Like I said before, I haven't felt any indication as to what it means or where its leading me too.

Just know that during this time of soul-searching on my part, I feel like I am wandering. I'm in a funk of sorts.  Irritated at everyone.  Confused by everything.  Indifferent to opinions.  Misunderstanding people's lack of concern for the voiceless. 

I'm in a scary place...the unknown.  A place with no answers.  It's hard to trust and obey when you are in this place.  Like I said, I have been here before.  Just don't know what the outcome will be yet.  So I will sit idly, wait fervently, and hope that light is soon shed.  Pray. Fast. Read.

Be still my soul, I pray.


  1. Anna! Thanks for posting this. I am thrilled by your attentiveness to God's Spirit in you. The rumbling is good. Let it wash over you like wave upon wave at the ocean. Many years ago the Lord spoke a strong word to me in a desperate moment: Very clearly, like an audible voice I heard: YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN SAFER THAN YOU ARE RIGHT NOW! Whatever He has for you and yours, you are safe and secure. Hold fast to that, all will be well. I have to laugh: you thought 2011 was exciting and challenging, tighten your seatbelt, cause 2012 is here! haha

  2. Anna, I too have the rumbling...I am joining you in prayer and seeking discernment. HUGS!

  3. I completely understand what you are talking about and know all to well the frustration as well as the growth in faith you will be going through. We've gone through quite a few of these rumblings in the past few years. I will be praying for you and asking that the Lord would reveal His will to you soon.