The New Annie

Monday evening I decided to take the girls to see the new Annie movie in Hutch.  We dropped the boys off at mom and dad's and headed to the theatre.  After about croaking at the ticket price for us 3 to watch the movie, we made our way to the concession stand. I already had my purse packed full of pretzels, M&M's, hershey bite size bars, and gum...but I had already promised the girl's some popcorn...so I ordered a large tub of popcorn with butter, 2 lbs. of napkins on the side, and 2 small Sprite's.  I handed over my debit card, again...swallowing back the horror of the concessions costing more than the movie!!  I threatened the girls with their lives if they wanted to leave early...we were staying and enjoying it--no matter how bad it may be. 

After getting in to the empty screen room and convincing Leah the front row is NOT the best seat in the house at movies...we comfortably sat down mid-section.  We had 20 minutes until the main movie was to come on and the girls were plowing through the popcorn like they hadn't eaten in days...I had to warn them not to bite their fingers by accident with how fast they were shoveling it in.  After Leah said, "they keep repeating the same commercials over and over mom, for the 1000th time...", Annie finally began to play.  By this point, Autum had finished off her M&M's, her chocolate bar, and was on her 4th scoop of popcorn...the girl's kept fighting over the bag of popcorn and I kept envisioning a big tear through the middle and it spilling everywhere...so I laid 2 big napkins across their laps and scooped popcorn onto the napkins to settle the conflict.  I placed Autum's popcorn between her outstretched legs on her seat...she gets excited, jumps herself up and down off the chair just enough for the chair to fold up on her and dump her popcorn all over her shirt, down her back, and onto the floor behind her...I sensed the panic and did my best to control the shrieking and freak out...by handing over the big bag of popcorn...what I didn't account for was Leah's freak out at the thought that Autum had the giant bag all to herself...

I looked over my shoulder to make eye contact with the adults sitting directly behind us in a nearly empty theatre...and did my best to even things out.  The first hour of the movie had the girl's attention and I kept my eye on the quickly waning popcorn bag.  After Autum's last handful shoved in her mouth, she looked at me and said out loud, "I NEED MORE, MOM."  (she still hasn't figured out the art of whispering) I told her all done...she wiped her hands off, dusted off her pant legs, stood up and said, "welp! I'm ready to go then!"  And began trying to put her coat back on.

I got her back seated and reminded her she still had her pretzels to eat...so that held her over for a while.  About another 20 minutes...then she started arguing with me about wanting to sit by Leah--to whom she was already sitting next too.  I decided to just go with her argument that she wanted to sit on Leah's other side...so I let her go.  She sits down and I get back focused on the movie.  I look over a little later to see Autum standing on her chair muttering something about the best view...and Leah's lying on her back on the chair, looking up at the ceiling, with her feet on the chair in front of us...I loudly whisper "girls! sit in the chair like you are supposed too.."
Leah spouts off, "Mom, you should try this, it's really comfortable!"

Omg...if I hadn't paid so much to see this movie, and hadn't assured them we were getting our money's worth, we would have walked out of there. BUT I had to stick to my guns to prove my point.Ya know, cause it's that important. :)

About 15 minutes left...and Autum starts coughing (we were still recovering from the flu)...and coughing.  I ask her what's wrong. She said "nothing."  And I try to pretend like she's not rattling the windows with her loud cough...only to hear a loud "phffffffffftttt..." followed by giggles.  Leah is laughing and Autum decides to commentate the matter with, "HEY MOM! THE POPCORN GAVE LEAH THE TOOTS...AND IT STINKS!" (seriously it seemed like she was yelling at this point)

Unfortunately just like Autum hasn't learned the art of whispering, Leah hasn't learned the art of silent farts....

I all the sudden wanted to lie down in the chair on my back like Leah had previously suggested, just to hide my face.  I quietly ask if she needed to excuse herself to go to the bathroom.  To which she promptly denied.  Autum on the other hand was quick to tell me she "NEEDED TO POOP."

So we shuffled out of the theatre to the bathroom.  Seriously there was like 5 minutes left but I wasn't going to argue...we just went.

We did made it back for the ending, and the movie was really good and entertaining.  I enjoyed what I wasn't closing my eyes and breathing rapidly through, shaking my head.  The girl's just obviously need to get out more. :)

More Me

I about choked on my drink the other day when I was flipping through my timeline from this past year on Facebook...almost exactly a year ago I posted a video of myself snatching some weight in a "12 Days of Christmas" workout at CrossFit Pathos.  I headlined the post to something of the effect that I was going to be more of myself than I've ever been in 2014.  Wow...looking back now...I see how wrong I was.


I was going to make 2014 my year of goal-achieving.  Particularly in the fitness field.  I'd devoted 2 prior years to pushing myself in CrossFit and triathlons and fitness in general past any point I had in my life, probably.  I was dedicated to be in my best shape ever.  I loved fitness, always have.  Anything competitive and challenging-I was all in.  Usually.  I felt God was calling me to big things...He and I--gonna set an example, motivate people, have success in doing so...3, 2, 1..here we go!  I was excited and on fire for God and what I had in my mind what I thought should happen, would happen...

I think I started out okay.  Posting videos of my kids and I working out...the frustrations that go along with that.  I never really liked being 'watched' working out...I don't think I ever did it for that.  I then was encouraged to keep posting videos, making a name for myself because that is how you get sponsorships...get noticed...and soon I did get noticed.  And my heart began to change...it started to become "fulfilling" to receive comments about how I looked, or how good I was at fitness, and a slow shift began to occur...I no longer sought God's still, small voice...I slapped a picture of me working out...with a verse or two on it--and posted it for all to see...and only now do I see it.  How I was getting my 'fix', my 'fill', my 'ego boosted' through the attention I was getting...my low self-esteem was being temporarily fixed through off-hand comments about my appearance and abilities.

This obsession for fulfillment began to take over...I began to see my kids and my marriage as an anchor to  my goals...if only I had more time.  If only I didn't have to wait on them hand and foot.  If they didn't zap so much of my energy...I could do this, be this...etc.  I was a mom with 3 kids, 2 with special needs, who worked part-time, who made no excuses, who did it all.  I was out to prove that it could be done.  No one else could do what I did...deal with what I did.  Day in and day out. IT was my motivating factor...show the world it can be done. 

I became resentful and bitter. About as far from myself as I could get at that point...which is so ironic.

I sought to be more of myself than ever in 2014...when I should have been seeking to be less of myself...and let God be more.  I  subscribed to motivational quotes and authors on Twitter, I read inspirational articles about "You can do anything if you put your mind to!" "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps!"  "Do more. Be more." "Don't let anything get in your way." "Dream big. Go Big or Go home."  "YOLO."  And on and on.  Screaming at me...that I could do anything.  Be anything.  Constantly pushing.  And I believed it.  I pushed.  I sacrificed.  I gave it my all.  I worked hard. At work. At training.

And still came up short.  Dry.  Unfulfilled.

I am weak.  I need Him to be strong.
That is all I know for this year.
I am making no claims.
I am resting.  No big goals. No big "projects" for God. I have been living for this world way to long.  And I am tired.  I have been going big for God for years...and most likely going big my own way-to make a name for myself in this world, and not His...hence the reason I'm so exhausted.  I've been running.  From a lot.  And I have decided to stop. 

I am unplugging. Disconnecting.
Being still. Being wife and mom.
Living by faith.  Meaning being small, so God can be Big.  Living for Heaven. Not for Earth.

That is all. For 2015.

Christmas 2014

Bone broth...cause we were all sick with the flu.  And this is the best medicine.

Autum leaving reindeer food out Christmas Eve

2nd one down...Christmas Eve...cough, stuffy nose,headache, fever...

...reindeer food in backyard, just in case they came in that way

We put up the front half of our tree....only...hahah, then slid it against the wall...shhh. ;)

This is what our days looked like...essential oils, homeopathic remedies, honey, warm tea, and lots of fluids..vitamin C drinks, garlic chews,cold compresses,warm lavender baths, vix rub on the feet and chest...

The excitement of opening the Christmas Eve gift!

Arguing over who was going to hand out which gifts...

Santa's late night snack...he was less than impressed...we had just discussed why we were not eating any sugar or milk products until this sickness passed...and so this was what the kids decided Santa needed...daddy finally talked them into at least leaving Reese's Pieces..

And we left up the story of Jesus' arrival for Santa to read as well..

Sick kid No. 3...can you tell he can't breathe through his nose?

Leah's new chair.

Blake's new cowboy and robbers gun set...

Blake handing over the money...taught him well!

I had cheerleaders and stunts for my evening workout. Be jealous! :)

This will probably be Leah's last year of Santa.  I was getting caught up in so many stories of how Santa does this, or flies here, or says that...and on and on. I was almost ready to just tell her to save myself the stress...but we managed for the sake of the two little ones.  Santa brought Leah an overnight trip to Wichita by herself with her mom and dad to stay in the tallest motel, with a swimming pool, and gift cards to shop at her favorite stores and eat at her favorite restaurants.  She got a pink squishy chair for her room.  Some clothes and a new jacket.  She was still upset because Santa did NOT bring her the iPhone6 and Prometheum board she has asked for the past 2 years...??

Autum got her a white doggy that walks...a bracelet, and a pink cheerleading hoodie sweatshirt she has wanted for months. She got her a blue beanbag chair to watch movies in and some other clothes.

Blake got a new motorized motorcycle.  A blue beanbag chair.  Some clothes and a cowboy gun set with holster and bandana.  He was still more excited about tearing the wrapping paper off and throwing tissue paper.  His face would light up each time.  Then he'd yell and stomp his feet.

Christmas..."Oh damn!"

This Christmas countdown has proven quite crazy so far...I always start out with good intentions of a quiet, peaceful, Heavenly focused season...taking time to enjoy each other, the humble reality of Christ's arrival on this earth as a babe to save us from our sins, to worry less, spend more time with family, and on and on...

Well, my family is the first to pull my head out of the clouds and remind me of the reality of LIFE...our life...ha!

Before Leah's Christmas concert

Leah and Autum all prettied up

Opening presents...

Drilling with Papa's help

• My mother-in-law sends 25 gifts to us as a fun way for the kids to count down the days til Santa arrives.  Well before I got smart and set up an order in which each kid would open the gift on a designated day...we had WWF smackdown at 7 AM every morning before school started.  Autum is always the early riser and therefore had a jump on the gift unwrapping, but she couldn't always get the gift down quietly enough...and to add to her struggles the gift box containing each day's surprise was down in Blake's room-which required her going down the stairs and through a sticky, noisy door to get there...in the dark.  The first morning, Leah heard Autum's not so quiet tip toeing down the stairs and busted out of her room door, sprinting past Autum, tripping down the stairs, and grabbing Autum on the way...both girls rolled to the bottom in a pile waking Blake up with their screaming and crying...I knew this was going to be a great start to the month...

• I decided to try and help keep the focus of the countdown to Christmas on Christ and the true meaning of the season by reading to the kids from Unwrapping the Greatest Gift: A Family Celebration of Christmas each morning...written by Ann Voskamp.  It is full of pictures and colors and kid-understandable stories.  I was really excited to delve into its meaning, hoping it would lead to great discussion and questions.  We got started a little late in the game so our first day of reading was from Habakkuk.  It discussed Habakkuk climbing to the top of his watchtower and drawing near to God and shouting about his joy in the Lord.  One of the questions at the end of the story asks: "is there something that has been stealing your joy lately?"  So I asked Leah...and her half-slumbered response while eating breakfast was, "Yeah...Mr. Boots, our Christmas elf hasn't arrived yet..." 

UGH...I chose not to invite Mr. Boots to our countdown to Christmas for fear it would steal from the real reason I wanted to focus on the Advent.  Obviously this tactic wasn't working...

• So...Mr. Boots made his arrival the week before Christmas.  He landed on our snowman centerpiece in our kitchen...with a note that said, "I decided to come visit and make sure you are behaving this last week before Christmas..."  Leah was beside herself when she woke up that morning and found Mr. Boots waiting for her.  She read the note and immediately wrote a note back, thanking him for coming and that she was definitely going to be a good girl.  When Autum finally pulled herself from her morning cartoon fix and made her way into the kitchen she took one look at the elf, one look at the note and said, "oh geeeeeez, Leah...MOM wrote that!"

Ha.  Well, guess it's going to take more than I thought to convince her of his magical presence from Santa's workshop.

Mr. Boots got caught stealing the kids' candy canes so Leah left him a note...

• One evening my dad came to watch the kids so Jerad and I could have a quick date night.  We left an "easy to put together" Gingerbread house for him to assemble with the kids while we were gone.  2 hours later we came back and my dad was laughing and laughing...which was a good sign because the gingerbread house could have gone one of two ways...He waited until the kids were asleep before calling us back and enlightening us with the details of the house making...apparently they got the whole house together and my dad got up to get some more candy to decorate with and one of the walls came crumbling down...and before he could even get turned around to help, Leah yells in all seriousness and panic,  "OH DAMMIT!"  He said he started laughing and laughing...could NOT stop laughing...could NOT get himself together enough to fix the wall as Leah scrambled around to save her house...he is still laughing a week later...

Blake at his school Christmas party making reindeer toast

Autum has been entertaining us with her concerts every night

• Leah and Autum participated in the Mini Christmas festivities downtown while Jerad and I were gone.  My in-laws took the girls down to shop for us and for each other and to see Santa.  They had all the gifts wrapped while down there shopping and I recently found them in a bag downstairs...I looked through them and was puzzled by all these boxes that read, "To: Leah, From: Leah"....

Ummmm...I thought this was a shopping experience for the kids to shop for their family members...I later talked to my Mother-in-Law and she informed me Leah did her own shopping and made the executive decision that she was NOT leaving that place until she bought her own self some gifts because she was a "family member..."  She may or may not have been the only kid there who took advantage of this opportunity...I bet she will be surprised when she opens her own gifts. :)

When Showing a House...

So...in our marriage, Jerad and I have moved 7 times...we kind of have a method to our madness in prepping a house to show.  We always joke we don't fix up the house we are living in until we are ready to sell it.  Right when we get it exactly how we imagined having it when we bought it....we sell it.  Every. Single. Time.  We are blessed in that Jerad can do most of the handiwork himself...plumbing, heating, cooling, electric, and woodwork.  As well as a few other tricks he's taught himself through our various moving adventures.

As word has traveled around like lightning...in this town, quite possibly even faster than when we lived in a smaller town...there is a for sale sign in our front yard.  Yes, we are moving.  To answer those questions.  As to where...not sure yet.  But we'd like to be back in the country.  Our kids need space.  I need quiet and less lights.  And a big barn for my home gym. :)

Anyway, we have shown the house a handful of times now and the kids are starting to catch onto our house prep tricks.  So if you come view our home...this is what you will need to know ahead of time...

1) We probably ate the meal before on paper plates and plastic...in fact Leah just asked me the other day if she should wash her plastic fork to use it again for her breakfast the next day...but she had already eaten off it a few times and a tine was missing...should she throw it away yet?

2) If you look in Autum's closet and see a whole wad of Kleenex wrapped up with wrapping paper...it's not trash.  TRUST ME...it is NOT trash.  Those are her Christmas presents...and a battle I chose to overlook after the first scream fest we had when I accidentally threw it away...

3)  The top drawer of my dresser could contain anything ranging from: baseball cards, socks, panties, hair bows, headbands, a shoe, a gun case, medicine, bills, a toy truck, a marble, 2 lego's, a frizz of string I pulled off the carpet vacuuming, a hairbrush, nail polish, 2 pennies, a shirt, and a cup...and whatever else I may have snatched up last minute on our way out the door...

4) Autum's top drawer may contain all of the same items, but according to her, that is on purpose...

5) ...and all these same items may be found thrown across Leah's floor...on any given day....but, before a house showing they are thrown under her bed...or behind her door...depending how mad I am that she still hasn't cleaned her room 5 minutes before we are to leave...so be careful when entering...

6) If you walk upstairs and smell strawberry fields of summer and see glitter flying in the sunlight...it is because someone decided to go #2 in the toilet...and it smells AWFUL...and the solution "the one who dealt it" comes up with is to run around the upstairs spraying her new full body, cheerleading specific, glitter bonanza, strawberry super duper spray all over...EVERYTHING.  (Jerad hopes the glitter wears off his work boots by morning)

7) Along these same lines the blame game begins for who left the brown streaks in the toilet I JUST cleaned...and who should have to clean it this time...with their toothbrush..

8)  If it smells like apple pie when you walk in...trust me it's a candle...if I really baked a pie it would smell like burnt bread and smoke would infiltrate the first floor, followed up by a large black hockey puck hidden in the oven...

9)  There might or might not be remnants of laundry thrown under the blanket lying across our ottoman in the living room...and I may have thrown a load of laundry already dried back into the dryer because I ran out of time to fold it before we had to leave.

10) Blake really does sleep in a tent.  Just to throw that out there.  He sleeps in a bed tent, on the futon...wrapped in blankets on top a heating blanket.  I'd love to hear the remarks of people upon walking into our basement and seeing his big old sleeping mess...hey, it works for us.

11) I vacuum and mop more during house showing times than I probably do all the rest of the year combined...just sayin'...Walmart sees a rise in my purchase of mop pads during this time as well...along with feather dusters and spray.

12)  My towels only match in the bathroom during house showing times...on non-showing days you are lucky to find one towel...let alone one that matches the rest of the set..heck, the kids may even share the same towel for their baths before I indulge that Blake had a huge booger mess (after swimming under the bath water for 10 minutes) before he got out and I dried him off with the towel Leah was currently wiping herself down with...plus, when you get out of the shower freezing cold, you don't care if its Hello Kitty, Superman or Princess Sofia greeting you on the hook...you take what you can get to stave off the chill.

13) We have great neighbors.  Trust me, if they put up with me yelling out the backdoor at my kids to get in the house in full on mom mode anger...or for me running around the cul de sac with a sandbag on my back at weird hours of the day, or me slamming weights at 5 AM every morning, as well as indulge in every idea/conversation or suggestion Leah has for them at every glimpse she has of them going in or coming out their front door....without blinking an eye...they are gonna be great for you...we have worn them in.

14) If in the garage, around my workout equipment, don't touch my knee sleeves...just trust me on that one...

So those are a few hints at what to expect.  Happy house hunting. :)
PS--There may also be a few extra bottles of alcohol present in the fridge or cabinet during this time as well...

Stupid, Dumb Snowman Scarf!!?

We haven't been real busy.
Not even really caught up in the hustle and bustle.
And had some discussion about Christmas gifts.  Santa. Naughty and nice lists.  Jesus.  Angels.

But it's the me, me, me, me, me.....attitude...

AGH!!

I am so frustrated by how self-focused we have become, by my presents...being bigger than yours, or more expensive, or prettier, or more deserving, or better...and on and on...yes, these are the consistency of my two girls' arguments the past week.  We have seemingly lost sight of Christmas and the real reason for the season...

So I declared Friday and Saturday our giving days.  The whole entire day...giving...to others...in as many different creative ways the girls could come up with...we have been following a 30 days Random Acts of Kindness Calendar, so today's random act was to "Candy Cane Bomb" a parking lot in a public place.  Easy enough.  Planned.

The girl's also decided to make some Christmas door hangers and take to their great grandma's retirement community to hang on door knobs...ok, easy enough.  Done.

They also made some cookies to deliver with their 'Giving Plate' that they received from friends a few weeks ago...bought a few gift cards to surprise random strangers with...check. check.

All sounded perfect.  We woke up Friday morning ready to check things off our list throughout the weekend.

First, mission: deliver cookies.  Leah wanted to give the cookies to her teacher for her birthday...so we made them the night before, packaged them up and planned to take them to school.  Well about 3 blocks from our house Friday morning, on our way to school,  I remember the cookies are still sitting on the table at home.....ERRRRRK. (hitting the brakes sound)....back we go to get them, after I mistakenly say out loud..."oops I forgot the cookies..."  followed by a wailing cry of anguish and panic and despair by a very excited red head bubbling over with joy in anticipation of surprising her teacher...right in my ear.  So needless to say we were late to school...so upon arriving at the school I direct Leah to go on in and I'll bring her cookies in after dropping Blake off at his classroom.  Off she goes.  I unbuckle Blake, sit him down on the pavement and reach in to grab the plate of cookies...Blake takes off running with his hands in his pockets...I quickly reach out to grab his hood so he doesn't run into the street...but I only get enough to throw him off balance...and look over my shoulder to see him sidestep in slow motion...toppling forward, face first, mouth wide open into a mud puddle....he looks up at me...angry and upset...mouth and tongue coated in mud...eyelashes dripping in brown muddy water...and all I could do was laugh....and laugh--half out of humor, half out of going crazy out of my mind of how ridiculous the whole situation had become....which only made him madder...he stomped his foot, crossed his arms, tilted his chin out and away from me and yelled, "NOOOO! STOP!"   After attempting to dry him off, I grabbed his hand and the cookies and off we went.
 >>Cookies delivered. Mission accomplished.

Second, mission: Santa crafts.  The directions were simple...tear pre-cut foam pieces out of the package and glue together using Elmer's glue.  Easy enough for toddlers to do...ok!  I put Blake in charge of tearing the foam pieces out of the package and the girls organized the various snowmen, sled, presents, and penguin foam pieces.  Final touch was to glue it all together.  Well, it started off well.  Then Leah accused Autum of stealing the stripes off of her penguin's scarf...so that required her pulling Autum's hair...Autum screamed loud enough to crack windows in the entire house...Blake freaked out and threw his hands over his ears which knocked the glue over and dumped all the arranged pieces off the table on the floor into a big mess.  I took a few breaths.  Then assured everyone we would get these finished just fine.  No worries.  And we did get them all rearranged again...ready for glue.  Leah got a little irritated by the polka dots on her snowman's scarf...and threw the glue this time...luckily I ducked as it flew over my shoulder...then she ripped the arms off the snowman because he was "stupid and dumb"...and was about to decapitate her snowman before I rescued him from his early death and redirected her to another room to cool off...all the while, my "know it all" 4-year old daughter...was reminding us that we all need to just get along, that Leah's not gonna get any presents because Santa is watching and that she is a good little girl and she is going to get everything she wants and that includes a princess bracelet and a white doggy that walks and what are we having for lunch and she is thirsty and wants to go to the park and when does the pool open again and Blake stinks did he poop....and on and on...in complete monotone...never raising an eyebrow....as she glued her penguin together, licking the glue off her fingers between swipes...
>>Crafts finished...after a few mommy and daughter timeouts...mission accomplished.

Third, mission: Candy canes.  We went to the store (first mistake) and I let the kids pick out a box of candy canes each to "bomb" a parking lot of their choice.  Leah chose the chocolate mint candy canes.  Autum the Sweet Tart ones.  And Blake the blue ones, purely based off their cool color.  I grabbed a few extra boxes because I knew Jerad liked the Starburst ones and the others were on sale.  As we neared the checkout counter Leah says, "so how many of these candy canes do I get to eat?"  I said, none. This is our weekend of giving.  Not for us.  Autum catches the end of this conversation...."Wait! WHAT??  These aren't for us...??  None of them...?  WHAT?"  I said, "no, these are not for us.  We are going to show God's love to other people and surprise them with candy canes to make their day.  Ok??  Got it?"  Enough said.  Wrong.

"MOOOMMMM....I can't even have 1....paawwwweeeeeease?  I weally weally weally wuv them, moooooommmmm!"
"No." (cooly)
"Paweeeeease, mom."
 "NO..." (in my getting slightly irritated voice)
"WHAAAAAA.....(plopping down in the basket, crying with real drama)
"AUTUM....stop it now! We are showing God's love to other people with these CANDY CANES AND YOU ARE GOING TO DO IT AND LIKE IT...AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CRY ABOUT IT..."  (By this point I'm shoving the cart around people and aisles at full speed, on two wheels, staring straight ahead, on my way to a checkout line....yelling enough for anyone near to hear and get my point...")

We get to our destination of candy cane bombing...after the girls fought 3/4 of the way there and I had to pull over once and threaten both of them within inches of their lives if they cross the center imaginary line and touch each other one more time....I hand each kid a box of candy canes, we head up the stairs to start our secret mission...Blake trips on the bottom step, lands on his box of candy canes breaking all of them into pieces....by this point I just shake my head...and shake my head, pausing for a minute...close my eyes, try to decide whether to just turn around and head back to the van and forget this mission for fear of losing it, for good.  Or to just keep pushing through...hoping I'll laugh about this all someday...

Well, we eventually finish our mission which ended up being Blake and Leah hand delivering all of the candy canes to employees at a workplace one by one...while Autum clung to my leg in shyness, clenching her candy canes, in hopes that she could maybe just hand out one or two and keep the rest for her room...maybe...just maybe..

We made some surprise stops on the way back home, handing out our door knob hanger decorations...which all proved to be somewhat successful. Then we drove back home, crying and screaming until 2/3 kids fell asleep...mouths wide open, heads bent awry...

Handing out Candy Canes at Papa Gary's work

Autum clinging to me during this part of our mission..

First surprise visit and where we dropped off our doorknob hangers...

Second surprise visit that ended in cookies and drinks...yumm!

Snap Shots of Fall

Blake was saying his prayers...Finally caught him on video one night.

Gingerbread House making

Picking up fall leaves. Autum said she was going to carry the wheel barrow because why roll it when you can carry it?

Kids wanted to workout with me one night!

Grandparents Day at School!

Leah's story about Dumplings

Saturday nights watching daddy grind deer meat

Blake's school field trip to the fire station

Last day with our babysitter, Amara

Thanksgiving BINGO with Mimi

Autum asked me to film her Kleenex commercial...and I caught Blake in the background...who seemed to make a great candidate for her product!

Preschool for A

This little gal, our youngest, turned 4...and started attending preschool 2 mornings a week...whoa!  How did this happen?  Well, our shyest child.  The most nurturing.  Biggest home body.  Sweetest little old soul.  Child...kept insisting she needed to go to school like Blake and Leah...so I told her we'd give it a try...

Day 1..."I be a big girl, mom.."  I believe she was up by 6 am ready to roll her first day.  Asking when it was time.  What she should wear.  How long I would leave her...and on and on.  We went through several pairs of pants deciding on the perfect outfit for that first day.  Finally deciding on boot cut jeans...only after throwing her skinny jeans across the room in disgust because her "legs don't do skinny jeans!!!"  (hmmmm, oops...not sure where she heard that one...)

Fast forward to 2 1/2 weeks later (present day)...
Night before...wailing...."I dooooooon't waaaaaaaannnnna goooooooo....pleeeeeeeeeeeeease mommy....noooooo, I just stay home with youuuuu....."  (big alligator tears...cutting through those big black eyes that will make you give into anything she asks)...

Well, her reasoning for never wanting to go back is simple...
1) They do not offer peanut butter and jelly as an alternative lunch option...you either eat, or you don't.
2) They do NOT have snack time.
3) They make you lie down and rest for a short naptime.
4) There are too many boys in her class...
5) They do stupid dances.


We are working through these issues...haha!  Asking her to continue to attend in hopes she will begin to like it.


But as for now, she summed it up well yesterday, when she told another lady who asked if she liked preschool...
"No, I don't.  I'm only going for the candy mommy gives me when she picks me up..."

Heck.
You do what you gotta do...

ER Visit

The day started out as normal...running late to school, dragging kids out the door half-dressed, yelling at Leah to grab Autum's drink...yelling at Blake to quit chasing the elm bugs swarming the house, and telling Autum that she can have her sucker ONLY after she's eaten her pancakes...while I'm quickly trying to gulp down a protein shake and hope that I remembered to put deodorant on...that I shaved both legs, and that my messy braid hair will be pulled off as a purposeful look.

Dropped both kids off at school. Autum and I headed to the Y so I could coach CrossFit and personal train with a few clients.  Then off to the chiropractor to get some adjustments.  Walking out of the door there, my phone rang..it was the school nurse...telling me once again, Blake hurt himself at recess they did an evaluation and he is fine.  So I brushed it off like usual as him being a boy, and very mobile, and daring.

Then, a little while later, my phone rings again. Leaves a message. It's his teacher, Blake refuses to let anyone put his shoe back on his foot and he is refusing to walk...they carried him to lunchroom to eat and left his shoe off...just to let me know.  Well, I headed up to the school anyway.  I go in to see him, half expecting him to be just throwing a stubborn attitude.  Guessing he will let me put his shoe on when he sees me and knows I mean business. 

Well, I was wrong.  Immediately I could tell there was more wrong.  The teacher explained that Blake jumped off the playground platform and landed on his heels then his back.  They were most concerned with his back. The nurse evaluated. Deemed him good. And sent him on his way.  Only when they tried to get his shoes back or make him walk did they realize there was more wrong. 

Well, it just so happened to be the day the 3rd graders had their parents eat with them for lunch, so I carried Blake around while Leah and Autum hurriedly ate their sack lunches...and rushed to the book fair.  I proceeded to carry him around for another 40 minutes while arguing with Leah that her $5 was to be spent on a book, not lip gloss...we were at a book fair, for goodness sake!  She decides to buy a kitty poster for $4.75...she throws $4 on the cash register and is excited she has $1 left to buy the lip gloss...the cashier asks for her last $1...and Leah argues that the sign says $4 (completely disregarding the $.75)...after much arguing and attempting to reason, she gives up her last $1 and stomps back to class.  My arms are about to fall off at this point.  I throw Blake in the van. Come home. Call doctor.  Of course X-rays aren't done on Mondays at our family practitioner so off to the ER we go.

After initial evaluation, we head to the X-ray lab.  Oh boy. Been there, done that.  As soon as we walk in, Blake begins crying and yelling and kicking and punching...upon his reaction Autum begins to shed alligator tears in sympathy.  I look around, like what am I going to do??  I about choke on my drink when they ask if I could be pregnant and place a X-ray covering over me that weighs at least 10 lbs. and is hot as all get out.  After about an hour of wrestling Blake down, picking him up, consoling him...running to doorway to console Autum...putting her down, running back to Blake...wrestle down for another X-ray...repeat.  We walk out of there, I'm soaking in sweat from my head to my toes, literally looking like I just worked out.  Blake had gotten in his mind that we were leaving the hospital so he was all smiles, high faves and big waves...as if to say, "see ya later you big meanies! You can't touch me again! Ha Ha Ha!!" 

Well, his dreams were crushed when we re-entered the evaluation room to wait.  By this point my phone is dead.  Jerad is working and has no clue what has happened and I have no help and 2 very tired, worn out, confused littles on my hands...for who knows how long...

Doctor arrives and says the X-rays didn't seem to show any breaks or dislocations but hard to tell with what we had to see...and his lack of cooperation.  We tried to stand him up one last time to walk, and NO GO.  The doctor poked on his hips, knees, toes, ankles and no reaction except for Blake crossing his eyes and being silly.  But as soon as the doctor went to dorsiflex his foot, to mimic walking...Blake cried out and drew his leg up immediately...

So...that is all we know.  They temporary casted him, told us to keep him off of it for 24 hours and go from there...
He still isn't putting weight on it today.  Even with cast off.  But is trying to crawl some at least, but won't let anyone near his foot. 

As for what we will do next...I have no idea.  Taking it day to day.

Fear of Being Pretty

For some reason as of late, I've found myself wrestling with the idea of being pretty.

And I believe that is based on my thoughts of what "pretty" means or represents...and I know for a fact that has been shaped by my past experiences with prettiness...

From early on, you could probably say I was tomboy-ish.  I grew up in the country, around a farm, and was put to work at a young age.  My dad made sure we understood work ethic and responsibility as soon as we could.  We had chickens, horses, dogs, cats, and any other wild animal we could capture and make our pet.  We had mud fights, swam in horse tanks, climbed trees, built forts, cut down secret paths to the neighbors houses, rode 4-wheelers and go-carts for fun.  We swung from bag trees and playhouses, we accepted any wild challenge we could and rarely admitted defeat.  As we got older that turned into work.  Chopping and hauling firewood.  Cracking ice in horse tanks during the winter.  Mowing our 5 acres. Grooming and doctoring animals.  Painting barns and shops.  As well as helping with laundry, dishes, and other household duties.  We carried this mentality over to sports.  And everything we pursued, even friendships.  So as you can guess, I befriended most guys over girls.  It was just the natural tendency based on my mentality, personality, and appearance, I guess.

I have always and still do, consider myself one of the guys when I am around guys.  I feel like I think like a guy most times too.  I know what they are thinking, or at least am guessing what they are thinking. Just because I was always around them. Guys would talk around me as if I was a guy.  Things like: "that new girl is so hot..."  "damn, she is pretty..."  "did you see what so-and-so is wearing today...wow!" I always heard them talk about the "pretty girls," but never ever considered myself to be one.  Besides, I was the tough girl, who loved to work hard, accept any challenge, and hung out with guys...I was most confident in that persona.  I had no problem with it at all.  It was who I was.  I distinctly remember a few of my closer guy friends say things like, "well, maybe if you'd wear make up every now and again, you'd look like that..."  all in joking words, of course.  Or, maybe "if you owned a dress"...And as I got into high school sports and had to start dressing up for sports, I remember the struggle....mentally.  I felt so awkward and ugly in dresses and skirts.  It did not fit who I felt I was at all.  I thought I looked best in workout clothes.  And I remember my guy friends always saying things like, "who are you?"  "Man, you do clean up halfway decent when you try..."  or "did you borrow that dress?" Hahaha, it always made me laugh and I knew they were joking.  I honestly never thought anymore of it.  Just that I couldn't wait to get my uniform on to play--and out of that skirt.

As I've gotten older in my adulthood, I realize that mentality has carried with me.  I still feel most confident in workout clothes.  I think I look better in them than jeans.  Hence the reason you rarely see me in them.  My kids ask if we are going somewhere special when they see me put jeans on. :) 

I still feel like one of the guys, most times.  In the gym, I can talk like one of the guys...making fun of a guy I catch red-handed checking out another chick. Or comment that he is looking "tiny" and needs to hit the weights more, etc.  All in guy commentary fun.  In fact, I truly think they see me as that too...joking with me about feeling 'girly' one day because I wear a headband with sparkles on it or paint my fingernails for once. 

So in my mind. Pretty means, "the ditsy girl that dresses in scantily clad outfits to get a guys attention...who knows she's pretty and can use it to her advantage..." She is the girl who all my guy friends would drool over.  Comment on.  And try every pick up line they could to win her over.  She was the "it" girl.  And I think now, I almost see that as weak.  Pretty means weak...in my book.

Wow.
I have made a valiant effort lately to try to be okay with "pretty."  In fact I've worn my hair down, out of a ponytail, on several occasions...and kid you not, I was not recognized by people I know, and see often, SIX TIMES! 

What does that tell you? 
I wore jeans to a football game the other night with my hair down and a little bit of make up (gotta start small) and received a few comments on how nice I looked.
Hmmmm...
Could it be possible I could be "pretty" too?  Without feeling like I'm being weak...or giving in to that image of "eye candy" for every guy to prowl upon. 

I am hoping maybe I can redefine pretty for myself...as Strong, actually.  Bold.  Independent.   Fit.  Fun. Carefree. Confident.  I'm still working on the rest.  But in the meantime, if you see a gal with a mess of long hair blowing in her face, waving at you like she knows you...look again, it might be me...
...trying to be okay with "pretty."