Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Locker Room Talk

My locker room talk experience wasn't what you might quite think...

I took the girls to the YMCA pool Sunday afternoon to swim.  We had been on the road all weekend long and needed to work off some steam.  We swam until our hands were pruny and our lips blue, and our teeth were chattering.  This time I decided to take extra clothes for us to take showers before we left--to eliminate one extra step to have to do at home...and to prevent us from freezing to the sidewalk as we left the YMCA soaking wet.  So, me, thinking I was making a smart decision entered the unknown, unedited world of public showers, bathrooms, and changing rooms. 

I took the girls into the showers, to rinse off with their swimming suits still on.  As I soon found out, we were the only ones still sporting our suits in the showers.  This was after Leah proceeded to realize that everyone showered in the same place, separated by only a thin shower curtain and a purposefully placed towel.  It must have been rush hour at the showers, for the 50+ club because we all 3 crammed into a corner shower with 200 degree boiling hot water.  While the rest of the shower was full of free-bird old women, with shower caps as their only covering...Leah decided she didn't like our corner shower stuffiness so she began making her way down the row of people showering, ripping back shower curtains...one...by...one...trying to find one she might like, instead.
Met with squawks.  Screeches.  And Oh my's!
Her being completely clueless as to what respecting people's privacy is...kept on trucking before I could grab the back of her swimming suit or anything for that matter that would stop her path.  She got to the last shower head and must have discovered someone she recognized (or at least I hope that was all it was) because she proceeded to stop...and stare....FOREVER!  Eyes popping out of her head, mouth open.  Then she turns to look at me through the 3 lanes of showers that revealed fully exposed old women to yell "Hey mom! It's my teacher, Mrs -----! Come here!!"

I put my head down closed my eyes, and shuffled as fast as I could through the occupied showers, mumbling apologies under my fuming mad breath--to grab the back of Leah's swimming suit, and drag her back to our shower...slam the curtain shut, and muster all the courage I had not to hold her head under cold water a few minutes...oh my gosh!!!!!!

Why Lord? Why me??

We proceed to get through the showering.  Onto the drying off part.  Then Autum decides its her turn to speak up...
"mommy, whats that?"  As she points and stares open-mouthed at another naked passer-by..."why she look like that, mommy?"  "where are her clothes?"  "Is she cold?"  "Uh  oh...she dropped something..." *giggle* *giggle* "She NAKED!"

I threw a towel over her head and pretended her hair needed a thorough drying and her mouth needed muffling while everyone cleared the drying off area.  I get Autum dried off and clothed only to find Leah hounding down her teacher again in the corner of the locker room...she is standing about 1 1/2 inches from her teacher's body, yapping her teacher's ear off, while her teachre tries uncomfortably to redress herself under the confines of her towel--Leah's barely giving her enough space to move her elbows up and down.  I go holler at Leah to get back in the drying area and to get dressed so we can go.  She tells me she put all of her clothes in the lockers.  I said to get them out of the locker, NOW!  She all the sudden can't remember which locker...so we begin opening door after door...having to make facial confrontations with each person we just saw in the showers...as we search our way down the rows...weaving between people.  I wrapped a towel around her head, dressed her body, slammed her boots on her feet and we left!

 I literally drug both girls out of there by the hoods on their coats as fast as I could get them to shuffle...from now on we will err on the side of freezing to the sidewalk, than sacrifice ourselves in the community shower...

And I hope I never have a conference with Leah's teacher... where would I even begin?


1 comment:

  1. Do they have any family showers? When we went to the Y, my boys were 4 & 5 (or maybe 5 & 6?) and if we went into a changing room, they needed to go into the boys room alone (aka, men and boys room). Not happening unsupervised. After asking (quite a bit!) they directed us to a family changing room. One enclosed room with no extra people!!