Monday, December 30, 2013

Weightless Goals

@Jesus Calling "Your security rests in Me alone; not in other people, not in circumstances..."

This is SOOO hard for me.
To rest my security in Christ alone.
I have to constantly remind myself when I begin to seek comfort, trust, confidence, hope, and peace in other people and places...because I am most often inevitably set up for disappointment.  Most always, actually.

I am realizing that my biggest downfall that leads to this insecurity, is fear.  Yes, I know, fear is the root of most insecurity.  But mine, more specifically, is fear of failure or looking like a failure.  I am a first-born, stubborn, all or nothing, doer!  I wouldn't consider myself a perfectionist, persay, but I am someone who is driven.  Driven to work hard.  Put in the time.  Do what needs to be done.  I feel that the harder you work, the better you get.

"I've got a theory that if you give 100% all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end." -Larry Bird

I could agree with that.  And I love that.  I take pride in working hard.  It energizes me.  It motivates me.  I can work hard, its the only way I know to approach anything.  With hard work and lots of time and effort.

Being a wife.
Friendships. Relationships.
Learning. Researching.
CrossFit. Competing.

 But there are those times when you work so hard and still fall short.  Those are the fears I despise.  But yet motivate and demotivate me on a daily basis.  It is always a mental battle.  "Yes you can!"  "No you can't!"  "What if?"  "Who cares!"

I realize at this point I have let my identity and focus slip from my eternal hope and truth in God, to that of temporary gains on earth.  And as soon as I realign my motives and thoughts, my fears soon appear very small.  Very surmountable.  Very unimportant.
But for some reason, it takes me a looooong time to get to this realization.  I seek solace and confidence in other people.  I look to books and self-help studies to boost my confidence.  And yet these all seem to fall short.  Understandably so.  I need my fears to stay in check and my hopes to stay on my eternal treasures in Heaven.

Perspective check.  Identity check. Yep!

So as I end this 2013, I have made it my goal to go out strong.  To end this year with a new perspective and confidence.  Hoping it seeps into my 2014.  I have goals, hopes, and desires!  I just hope to keep them aligned with Scripture and truth.  I will not fear failure.  It has no hold over me.  I will keep reminding myself of this.  I will keep praying about this.

I want to be able to pursue my dreams and goals with freedom.  Weightless.  With energy.
So far, it feels pretty good... I can do this---err...In Christ alone, I can do this!

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