Friday, February 1, 2013

Mama Bear

The past 2 weeks have been a mix of emotions for us at our house.

I think I'm finally realizing what other parent's of children with special needs mean when they have made comments regarding always having to fight for your child's rights in special education.  I have always been a person who believes and trusts the best in people until proven otherwise, and even then I still have a hard time seeing the 'bad' in people.  My husband always says I live with my head in the clouds, thinking this way.  Thank goodness, he's the realist and keeps my feet grounded!

But...I am now seeing that I'm going to have to begin to trust my "momma" instincts and get a back bone.  Geez, I thought I grew a solid back bone just enduring the adoption process...guess not!  Blake started attending preschool 2 days a week for 2 hours, to receive his therapies: occupational, physical, speech, and social.  We are starting him out slow and easing him into the school scene, he just turned 3, so I feel like I'm sending my infant off to school.  But I feel he needs the therapies and also gets to socialize with some other kids just like him.  And that is the best part about it all for me!  But I still have some Momma instincts that he's not ready for all of this yet, but we'll see, he's only been going 2 1/2 weeks...I'll give it a few more.  It was just a real struggle to stick to my guns and make the decision to only send him for 2 days, and half the time...because everyone at the school and on his Early Intervention team kept pushing for him to be in there full time, to improve his learning, social skills, and speech.  That going half the time would be difficult for him to transition to/from...not sure if they meant for him or them...but anyway.  I get that...but I also know, he's not your typical child with Down Syndrome.  And I kept arguing that!  But I'm realizing most people don't understand.  In fact, no one does.

This is what I have been trying to say: he spent 2 years in a social setting....we are trying to get him used to trusting 1-2 people (Jerad and I)...not everyone!  The case for most 'typical' children with DS is: they NEED the socialization.  So from Day 1, I feel like I've had to be on the defensive...constantly fighting for my child.  For his best.  For his needs.  For what is right for him.  I'm realizing that this might have to be the case for me and him for life.  A constant fight.  A battle for the best for my child. 

And its tiring, emotionally and mentally, mostly. 

And now I'm just beginning the process with Leah.  For her sensory needs, to which I have been referred to an outside resource...but once again, the situation has turned me into Momma Bear!  GRRRRR!!!  This is a side of myself I haven't really had to face, or really know what to do I feel awkward, confused, and unsure of myself.  Probably how both of my children in school feel, most days.  It is humbling, to say the least.

So what I guess I'm saying is...I apologize if I seem to take the defense at any comment about my child being in school, not being in school, or what is 'best' for him or her...because I have been forced to go that way.  In fact, I am now finding myself assuming the looks, whispers, and comments from others are going to be bad, are going to be negative...unfortunately.  And I hate that.  I hate what this is making me into.  So accept my apology for my initial assumptions. 

We are all learning here.

This is kind of how I feel...

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