Monday, February 6, 2012

Infertility as a Means to an End

My daughter Autum Grace, is a constant reminder of God's goodness and grace to us, through our battle with infertility.  Her arrival in the fall of 2010 was a celebration of more than just a child being brought into the world. Her presence made all of the frustration, sadness, unanswered questions, endless tests, fears, anxiety, sorrow, feelings of being alone, bouts with depression, hormone treatments, weight gain, doctor's appointments, health concerns, sleepless nights, and so much more, worth it. 

To catch you up a bit, we had our 5 year old daughter very early in our marriage, easy, pretty much without trying, actually.  So we waited a few year's before we began trying for our 2nd child.  We wanted our kids to be 2 1/2 -3 year's apart, so we thought.  About 6 months into our trying, I sought some medical advice for health issues I was dealing with personally, that I thought could be effecting our chances of conceiving. I was immediately referred to a slue of specialists. We met with reproductive specialists, endocrinologists, naturopaths, O.B's...but no one had an answer.  Especially since we had our first daughter so easily...We tried many different paths of assistance, but stopped short if in vitro.  I kept feeling like God was telling us to just wait, just wait.  I took that as a possibility to look into adoption...we began to make some contacts, searched out online resources for adoption, and prayed about the idea.  But again...I felt God telling us to just wait.  Ugh.  By then, though, we were tired of waiting.  It was getting close to 2 year's of trying with no success, by this point.

Almost one month to the date we were told that I would not be able to carry a child on my own, after a final round of tests, we found out we were expecting!  Talk about a take your breath away, praise God moment.  And I thought at that point God had answered our prayers, we were through.

What I have only recently begun to mull over is how much I was changed through that time.  I was made weak.  I was faced with the sin of my pride.  I was stripped of control.  I was forced to rely fully on God's timing, goodness, grace, and mercy.  I was made to realize how much I doubted God's sovereignty and power.  I was made aware of His perfect love for me, through His perfect timing.  Yet, what has come out of that experience has changed my life forever.  And only God could do that.   

You see:
I was brought to my knees in this experience, to take the focus off of myself and be broken for the orphans of the world.

I was made aware of God's mighty power, and the power I have through His Holy Spirit, to move mountains.  Mountains like convincing your husband you want to adopt a child with special needs halfway across the world, raising $25,000, being away from your kids for 6-7 weeks, being able to provide for 3 kids...

I was made aware of the importance of community and that relying on others to help you out is okay and actually God's plan for us.  Being there emotionally, physically, spiritually.

I was forced to pray unceasingly.  And recognize the power behind that act.  Especially when adopting from Ukraine, you have no idea what curveball you will be thrown next, and all you can do is pray. pray. pray.

My 2nd child was being born in Ukraine, during the time I was 'waiting' impatiently to get pregnant.

I had to wait 2 1/2 year's to have Autum, because she was meant to be the baby.  My 2nd child was born exactly when we were hoping to have him/her.  I just didn't know it yet.

God knew that Blake would need a bossy little sister to help him out and be his best friend in life. 

I saw infertility as an unfair thing that happened to me, while I was in it, with no answers.  But now I see it as God's orchestrated, perfect plan for us.  So if you are in the valley right now, not seeing any hope, specifically with infertility, realize and know there is a reason, a perfect reason.

My reason is a cuddly, little, blonde-headed, boy. 

If you have never considered adoption as a possible reason for your infertility, please contact me.  I would be glad to pray and fast with you about discernment and wisdom in this matter.  


  1. Beautiful post Anna. I too am always looking for God's purpose in life. Thank you for sharing this.

  2. What a gorgeous post!! But how long until you give him away (disrupt) or ship the kiddo back to Ukraine?? Autumn Winkle got rid of her allegedly precious Yuri after less than six months... So your boys days may well be limited too!!!

  3. Sweet post, great attitude! I needed to hear this right now. Thanks!

    To the 1st anonymous quoter: God bless you. (My God says to bless you, so I do!)
    May you know him and his incredible love: Ephesians 3:19- May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.