Friday, January 9, 2015

Here's What I Would Do...

My sister is going to have her baby any day now...anxiety is building...the kids all have names picked out for this little boy to be...
"Harry"
"Harry Gary"
"Jackson"
"Stinky"
"Baby Cuz"
and on and on...

My dad personally LOVES Autum's choice of "Harry Gary."(his first name is Gary)
Lately I have been thinking about all the things I would have done or had appreciated more, before I had my first baby...
If I had to tell her a few things, I'd say...

1) Enjoy sleeping in til 9 am...and laying in bed til noon...those days are OVER.  Probably for good.  Soon you will be awoke by juicy poops, screaming hunger cries, and magic wands that sing, "LEt it GOOOO...LET it GOOO..." over and over without an 'off' button.

2) Take long, hot, steamy showers and baths...in silence...LOTS of them.  Before your 4-year old comes in and says she has to poop and it's going to stink and her legs were too tired to walk upstairs and use that bathroom, plus she wants to talk to you about the newest Sheriff Callie Wild West show...where her cowboy boots are, what's for lunch-hopefully PB&J...that she has a boyfriend...whoo, her poop really stinks...bla bla bla

3)  Familiarize yourself with Witch Hazel wipes...they will be your saving grace.

4)  Appreciate the ability to pee straight.

5) Get a mani/pedi one last time...from here on out you will paint your own nails and about the time you paint yours, a diaper will need changed and your newly painted nails will be covered in diaper debris...red hot nails polka-dotted in fuzz.  And your child's backside will have red streaks on it from your fresh paint...you will panic at first thinking they are bleeding before your sleep-deprived mind catches up and you realize its your nail polish...phew!

6)  Nipping in your swimsuit is no longer sexy.  Especially when your nips point north and south.

7) Wet wipes are universal.  Can be used for anything at any time.  Boogers, make-up remover, poop messes, food spilling from your lips onto your child's face while nursing/eating...hand sanitizer, etc.

8) Enjoy your Victoria Secret padded bras...because soon your padded bras will consist of paper padding that is SUPPOSED to prevent you from leaking before/after nursing...and have been known to fall out in the most inopportune times...

9)  It is okay to shoot your husband in the face with your milk while being intimate...it's just going to happen...maybe invest in some goggles. ;)

10)  Enjoy a spotless living room that you can absent-mindedly walk across in the pitch black of night...not worrying about a thing.  Because soon you will be doing full alert, ninja style movements across your floor because I'll be darned if you are going to let another LEGO figurine under your sensitive, vulnerable, bare feet...causing you to stub your other toe on the couch as you attempt to catch yourself falling to the floor-hoping your cuss words don't wake the neighbors...(because you're pretty sure your family is already awake)

11)  Be thankful for being on time.  With a shirt that matches and isn't soaked on one shoulder from throw up...or poop...or something you may not even be sure what it is...it may have been there 2 days...what day is it again?

12) Finally, be appreciative of your one single handbag when you travel...because now your trips will consist of a traveling caravan, possibly a trailer attached to the back...with nothing but your kitchen sink to leave behind.

So there ya have it! Things I would NOT have taken for granted pre-baby phase.
Despite all that, though, there is one thing I would never have known I'd love so much...

And that is being a mama.
(So excited to be an auntie for the first time too! )


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