Friday, January 30, 2015

Nighttime Reminders

I realized tonight as I was lying in the quiet of Autum's 4-poster Hello Kitty adorned, fully decked out princess canopy bed... (that I always seem to get my earring or hair band or something caught in while trying to sneak out of her room at night) with one arm slung over her little body and the other one tingling with lack of circulation propped up under my head (because I can NOT touch her pillow) that each of my children represent something beautiful in my life.  Of course.  But I feel like God revealed to me in my prayers for each of my children tonight, that they represent a part of my relationship with Christ in each of their births.  Stages of my life that these children represent bring about a humble gratefulness.  A living breathing reminder of Christ's work in me.  A bright spot in what may have been a rough children quietly sleeping tucked in under their bed sheets...close out my day with prayers of thanksgiving as I reflect on what they mean to me and my life in Christ. 

For example, as I was praying over Autum Grace tonight, I realized that she is a beautiful reminder to me of God's perfect timing.  Of his perfect plan.  Of his love for me.  She was a gift.  A child we were not sure would exist in our lives.  For 2 years, we tried for her.  Just hoping to have another child, a sibling for Leah.  Leah came so easily.  Autum should have too.  But after many frustrating questions about my health and unanswered prayers, anxious thoughts, worry, fear, anger, sadness, loss of hope...we were pregnant.  In God's perfect timing, full of grace, He created a miracle in my body for her to dwell in before making her appearance-2 years later than we had planned or hoped.  But still on time.  By God's standards...

I praise you God for your perfect timing.  Thank you for this beautiful child as a reminder of your Grace.

Because God knew that the year before, our 3rd child had already been born.  Half a world away.  He was born in the time-frame that we had hoped to birth Autum.  We just didn't know it yet.  God was working behind the scenes, not only to bless us with Autum's presence, but to abundantly bless us with 2 children!  He brought our attention to Blake only 6 months later.  Blake represents Christ's redemption in our lives.  Jesus adopted us as His children.  He loves us as His own.  He cares for us.  Delights in us.  Desires for us to know Him more.  Just as we do, Blake.  Blake is a reminder of God's love for us.  He saved us from what could have been an awful death.  Blake was an orphan.  Set to enter an institution because of his Down Syndrome and living in a country that sees this as a cursing disability to a family.  Yet, God broke our hearts for this little boy.  And we were called to make him our own.  And so we did.  And still are.

I praise you God for your selfless love for me.  For saving me from my sins.  From a death I deserve.  For redemption.

And Miss Leah.  She represents so many things.  But the first thought that came to mind in my prayers of thanksgiving was the reminder of God's bigger plan.  Of His sovereignty in my life.  And His presence.  I was a young, naive mom.  I had no clue what I was doing with her.  She came at a time I was not quite ready for.  But we jumped in with both feet and took the best care of her we could.  I was still in college with all these pre-planned goals, a career, big money, a big house, a 5-year plan...all going to happen.  Yes.  Actually no.  I gave birth to a fiery-red head instead.  And she rocked my selfish world.  And all I wanted to do was be with her. Raise her. Love on her.  No 6 figure job could change my mind about that as soon as that little girl laid on my chest and looked at me for the first time.  You see, God's plan.  Bigger than mine.  I needed this baby girl worse than I needed a 5-year plan. 

I praise you God for your will.  For your bigger, better plan for me.  For loving me so much you put up with my whining and selfish desires to fulfill your work.  In me.

No comments:

Post a Comment