Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Short Stories from the Woods Household

Long car rides home constitute delirious behavior from a 6-year old.  
     After listening to Leah talk 90 miles per hour for 3 hours on our way home from Kansas City, Missouri, I notice a pause and an awkward silence in her speech...so I turn around to make sure she hasn't passed out from lack of oxygen or anything..only to find her shirtless..with 2 straws pointing out from her chest into a cup...many thoughts ran through my mind as to what she was thinking-in the millisecond I had before she began to explain...but this wasn't one of them..."Mom, look....I'm a dairy cow and my udders need milked!"  (*side note: she had recently visited a local dairy)

     Blake and Autum can take off their diapers now.  So it is against the law in our house to allow either child to run around in just their diapers...pants must be on!  A few evenings ago, I decided to throw Autum and Blake in the shower with me to speed up the evenings routine before bed.  I removed Autum's clothes, threw her in and proceeded to remove Blake's diaper..only to realize he was pooping!  The quick little booger got away from me and ran into the shower, leaving a nice trail behind him on the bathroom floor.  I grabbed him by his leg, tried to wrap his diaper back around him and hauled him back to his room, where there were wipes to clean him up. While doing this, I realize I've left Autum in the shower by herself...I put Blake back on the floor and instruct him to follow me back to the bathroom as I run along ahead of him.  I walk in to find Autum singing her little heart out under the shower faucet, holding my cell phone in the stream of water...
I grab it from her and throw it on the towel outside the tub, while saying a quick prayer that it still works...and realize Blake has not made it back to the bathroom yet.  So I dart out the door to find him...and am met with an ugly scene...he is in the hallway, just past the laundry room...fingerpainting on the wall...not with paint...he is covered in poop from head to toe...it is on his hands, face, and in his hair.  He is making swirls on the wall with it and is quite proud of his work as he smiles up at me...only to be met with my horrified face! (and a few choice words)  I didn't even know what to do, or where to begin...I went back got Autum out of the shower, dried her off and left her screaming in the bathroom while I went back to figure out how to clean up this mess and my child!  Lots of clorox, disinfectant, mop suds, and baby soap later all was cleaned up and smelling fresh. 

Giving me 'loves'
   At night, after supper, we all go to the living room and sit on the floor and wrestle, read books, have pillow fights, have running races, play games, sing songs, or whatever else we can come up with.  It is truly one of my favorite parts of the day because as I watch my kids play, I think about how quickly this time will pass and these evenings will only be a memory.  Anyway, this particular night, Autum was being very 'lovey'...most likely because I babysat our little neighbor boy, who is 5 months old.  Autum was very clingy and kept reminding me... "I baby...Mama! I baby...!" She kept wanting me to swaddle her and hold her like an infant.  So that evening she kept laying her head on my shoulder and smiling really big...so I told her to "give me lovies"...and she'd come back and lay her head on my shoulder.  Well, Jerad wanted in on the sweetness, and he was lying on his stomach on the floor only a few feet away, so he said "Autum, come give me lovies!"  She walked over, ever so gently, turned her head sideways  and smiled as if she was going to lay her head on his shoulder...Jerad looked up and smiled and Autum kicked him in the face with her chubby little foot and ran back to my lap! Hahahaha, I'm still laughing...

WWF Style..
  Blake's new activity is to stand up really quick from a lying down position, throw his head back and jump in the air and land on his back....then roll across the floor, in an all-boy, ornery, rough-house, land on your sisters-style of play!  It is quite entertaining, especially in the pool or bathtub when he can really get a rise out of someone for all the water being splashed!

"It's a Baby Ruth!"
  If Autum has not pooped by the afternoon, when we typically go to a public pool, we DO NOT go. I cannot stand to hear Leah exclaim to everyone within a 3-mile radius to look at that poop streak down the baby pool slide, that her sister just left!

Door to Door Salesman
     In the past few weeks, we have had 2 people randomly stop by the house trying to sell us items.  The first one was offering free carpet cleaning of 1-2 rooms of our house if we'd simply listen to her sales pitch about a vacuum cleaner.  Well, I needed a shower, had food all over my hands, had food on the oven, 2 filthy-handed little kiddos at my feet, and a red-headed Chatty Cathy at my side, when she asked if I was busy...she then asked if we had any stains on our carpet...Ha.Ha.Ha.  Dumb question.  To which I answered..."No, our carpets are really pretty clean!"  Leah chimes in with "NO THEY ARE NOT, YOU SHOULD SEE ALL THE STAINS FROM THESE BABIES!  Mom, we NEED to clean the carpets..."  (I felt like the lady in the soup commercial that rams her cart into the display case just so her child won't hear about all the vegetables contained in each serving of soup)  I quickly wrapped my arm around Leah's shoulder and across her mouth and gave her a big squeeze, while I informed the lady we didn't need her services.  Then Leah and I had a Come to Jesus meeting about being at the door with salesman...she now knows, from a fear-based motivation, that she is not allowed to talk when Mommy is...

    Leah had her first run-in with a homeless fellow while we were in Missouri this past weekend.  He was lying outside a gas station, fully clad in a full beard, heavy coat, backpack, paper sack, and hat and boots.  I could see Leah's wheels turning as she had him in lock-down mode with her eyes...so I waited, waited, waited, and cringed a bit as I heard her ask...."Hey man, where are you going camping???"

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