Big Sis, Little Sis

So the past 2 weeks Autum has been waking up at 6 AM every morning...give or take a few minutes.  I have searched her room over because it has been known to happen in the past that there was a stopwatch going off in her room at the 5:30 am every morning waking her up.  Or that one of the noisy puzzles had a piece missing from it and whenever I'd get up early and move through the house the barnyard animals would awake in her closet, waking her up too.  So I've checked all of those issues off the list as possible culprits to this annoyance, and still haven't come up with much else.  Except for that she might be getting her 2-year molars...UGH!

Anyway, yesterday morning I came back inside from working out early and noticed Autum's door was open...so I began the search for the missing little girl.  I then heard giggling coming from Leah's room.  I walked over toward her room to find the door open a crack and I heard them both giggling and talking.  I could see that Autum was up in Leah's bed with her, which made my mommy heart melt, but then I heard this conversation take place...

Autum: "where mommy, Eeah?  where mommy? Eeeeeahhhh, where moooommmy?"
Leah: "She's probably outside, you can sleep with me until she gets back."
Autum: "okay, Eeeah!  Eeeah?"
Leah: BIG sigh.  "Whaaaat Autum?"
Autum: "I pooping.  In your bed...."

Silence....

Leah: "eeeewwwww!"

THUD!

Autum: "waaaaahhhhhhhh!"

The Mean Mommy

I've caught myself saying this more lately.  I'm sorry, I'm the mean mommy.

But there's a reason.  All the sudden I feel like my kids have decided to join forces and gang up on me during the past few weeks of summer.  You see, summer is NOT really a 'fun' time for us.  I'm guessing a lot of parents of kids who NEED routine to help with anxiety, fear, control issues, behaviors, and aggression would agree with me.  This also coming from a parent who needs routine to stay sane.  Because, God help me, the past few weeks have driven me very closely to the 'in'-sane side. 

In addition, Leah is getting old enough to realize what other 'fun' things other kids and families her age are doing---and we aren't. 
"Well, so and so's mommy lets her have snow cones before bedtime every week!"

"Well, she gets a chocolate candy bar at the concession stand at the pool..."

"They are going camping this weekend...we arent!"

"She gets to have sleepovers and I don't..."

"She gets to stay up late and watch movies..."

"They get to go on vacation to the beach and fly in airplanes..."

And I get to figure out a response...so far all I can come up with is "because I'm a mean mommy!"

How do you explain that we can't eat ice cream from Wendy's because it contains dairy...2/3 of my kids are allergic to it.
We can't do snow cones at night because bedtime is enough of a struggle without the added behaviors associated with red dyes and pure sugar...

We can't stay up late because my kids do not sleep well, and never sleep in.  In fact the later we go to bed, the earlier we get up.  Plus its all I can do most nights to keep my eyes open past 9:00 pm from pure exhaustion.  So the sooner the kids are asleep the sooner I can sit down for a few minutes.

We don't camp.  We don't even sleep in our own beds.  We awake at the sound of a pin drop, let alone a thunderstorm, or bugs buzzing around.  We have a child that elopes.  We have another child that is sensitive to every sound, most sounds you and I can't even hear.

TV stimulates the senses of a child with sensory issues already.  We stay up late to watch TV, we are bouncing off the walls, climbing the furniture and hanging from the ceiling fan, running our mouths at midnight...or we fall asleep early but wake up at 2 am screaming in anxiety and fear, in what's been labeled 'deferred panic and overstimulation.'

We can't even ride to McPherson in peace without having to stop 3 times along the way, and thats a 20 min drive...let alone a plane trip for several hours.

And I came up with the title "mean mommy" because quite honestly I feel like a mean mommy.  Withholding all of these 'pleasures' for the sake of my sanity and peace.  For the sake of my child's anxiety and fear, that they aren't aware results in being out of routine.  I feel like sometimes I put too much concern in what's easiest for me, than for just 'having fun!'  I will not lie, its hard seeing all of these other families running and gunning all summer long, bragging about late nights up, vacations, day trips, root beer floats at midnight, snow cones after ball games....it hurts to tell my kids no we can't do that.  Or for not even bringing it up as an option.  Because quite honestly the repercussions that sometimes last for days, just. aren't. worth. it.  Or are they?  Have I just convinced myself that it will be bad or have I dealt with most of this long enough to know?  These are the struggles, the frustrations, the guilt, the worry.  Will my kids miss out?  Will they have the memories other kids do? 

*sigh.*

Well, I broke down yesterday and we took all 3 kids to "Monsters University."  Cause I got brave for a brief minute and we jetted away to give being a "fun mommy" a try.

I'll share those details later, but the majority of the movie consisted of Blake "\koala'ed" around Jerad's neck with his hands and feet...while Jerad gave me these looks every time I returned from taking Autum to the potty, that said, "this was your idea....!!!"

Our 9th Anniversary

9 years ago today Jerad and I tied the knot in an outdoor wedding at my parent's house.

I was never one of those girls who dreamed of her wedding all her life.  Honestly never gave it much thought until I had too.  I remember I went in to have my fingernails done and the lady took one look at my green-grass stained fingers and nails and gasped. I mowed some lawns that summer and helped my dad work on the yard and didn't know how bad my nails had gotten. She told me to go home, use a tooth brush and some type of oil stuff and work on my hands and nails all day, then come back and she'd fix them the best she could.  I paid $100 for my dress at a hole in the wall dress shop in Enid, Oklahoma.  I just wanted to keep things simple and be able to enjoy the summer and the day.  And we were poor college students. I remember it rained all day up until my wedding time, and then the sun came out and the temperatures cooled to about 70 degrees.  The weather cleared up and we were ready.  My uncle married us and we were surrounded by Jerad's brother and my sister as maid of honor and best man.  We invited a few hundred of our close friends and ate and danced the night away.  It was a great day! 

We had quite the journey up until our wedding date.  I met Jerad the last week of school at Pratt Community College where we were both attending.  I remember seeing him at one of our softball games, sitting up in the stands.  I thought he was pretty good-looking.  I found out later he was in the Electric Power and Technology Program at the school, as a lineman.  Our neighbor was a lineman so I casually asked about Jerad one night and the next thing I know, his phone number was taped to our dorm door the next night.  I told our neighbor to have him call me, soon after we went out on our first date, and the next night I tore my ACL in our last game before Regionals.  I had planned to go to Fort Hays State University on a graphic design/art degree and to try out for the softball team, it was pretty much a done deal.  Up until then...

After I hurt my knee, everything changed. I had no plan, no idea where I was going to college, what I was going to do.  Jerad and I agreed to try the long distance thing over the summer and see what happened. He moved back to Oklahoma and I returned to my parents house in Kansas. So I had surgery and we took turns driving back and forth.  By the end of the summer, I made plans to go to school in Oklahoma and finish my degree, and live close to Jerad.  In December, we were engaged. 

We got married June 19th.  We honeymooned in Red River, New Mexico.  We went four-wheeling, hiked, fished, went white water rafting, and did lots of sight-seeing. 

It seems so long ago, some days.  But as I look back, I realize it has been a good 9 years so far, lots of growing up, and learning along the way.  Hard to believe we are making our way toward year 10. 

But here we go!

Our dear friends kidnapped our other Basset Hound dog and replaced him with a goat.

Our little flower girl looked much like Leah, but she was not! Just to clarify :)

And this is what we returned to find at our house.

Father's Day Weekend

This past weekend started off with a bang! Jerad and I headed to Manhattan to celebrate my sister's and her fiance's bachelorette/bachelor party.  I was the DD, so I sipped on water while everyone enjoyed the night playing pool, revving the juke box with songs like "Baby Got Back," and chatting--which got progressively louder over the night.  

I drove home while Jerad slept and we decided whether we got into some bad food.  I felt like I'd been drinking all night and he looked like he had. :)  We never came to any conclusion, only that we cannot do that late night stuff anymore.  We were toast the next day. It didn't help that kids were up during the night and Autum made her presence known at 6 am the following morning...about 4 1/2 hours after we made it to bed.  We were a sad sight on Saturday as we loaded up the van to head to Jerad's brother's house for the day.  But we made the most of it. And I even got a quick nap on the couch while the kids chased the pool balls around downstairs on the pool table. 

  

We drove home half dead that evening, in hopes of going to bed early and recovering all day Sunday.  We started watching The Dark Knight Rises--which is GREAT! and of course didn't find ourselves going to bed until late again...oops!  Anyway, we spent Sunday playing in the kiddie pool, working in the yard, looking at boat's online and going to Wichita to look at one Jerad thought might be a jewel, and ended the day with some fishing and swimming at the County Lake. Leah is participating in a Kansas Wildlifer Challenge this summer and she has 15 challenges to meet so we were hoping to meet 2 of them yesterday...which we did! Swimming in the lake--check!  Catching a fish--check!

 As I was uploading these pictures I found several pics of me bending over helping the kids while they were swimming...hmmm, wonder who was running the camera then?  I will spare you those pictures and details... :)

Things my kids said..

So this past week my kids have been full of all kinds of random information...so I want to share the knowledge with you...and again, I amNOT making this stuff up...

Mom: Leah go to your room until you can calm down, I'll be in there to talk to you in a minute.."
2 minutes later....
Leah: I can NOT wait until the 4th of July when I can get my freedom from you telling me what to do! GAAAAH!!"

Leah: Mom, I've been praying every night that Jesus puts a baby in your tummy! See! Listen! Dear Jesus put a baby in mommy's tummy, pleeeease!"
Me: Spit out my drink...

Leah: I'm so tired of being poor..
Said randomly while we were eating dinner..
Me: What makes you think we are poor?
Leah: Because we can't buy any of the campers on Craig's List.!
Me: Looked at Jerad and asked if that is what they did all weekend while I was gone....lovely.

Leah: Where do baby's come from before Jesus puts them in mommy's tummy?
Jerad: *crickets*

Leah: Dad, when am I going to grow a little stinger like Blake has?
This came after bath time and after I just explained again the proper name for boy and girl parts...which obviously went in one ear and out the other.
Jerad: *crickets*
Me: (later that night) Why didn't you answer her question or at least correct her?
Jerad: Because as long as she thinks that thing will sting her, the better....let's just keep letting her think that!

 Me:  Autum let's put your big girl panties on for church...
Autum: Nah, just put a diaper on me..I poop in that!
Me: sigh...

And those are some of the things they have said...here are some of the things we have done this summer so far!

Played with the baby kitties at "Grandma Sharon's" house.

Took pictures in the wheat.

Celebrated Memorial Day in our Red, White, Blue!

Sat at Leah's Machine Pitch Softball games...

Played in the dirt and distracted daddy while he was coaching 3rd base at Leah's games.

Hitting the ball!

 Spying on the neighbors...She built this contraption herself.  Unrolled several rolls of toilet paper, left the mess in the bathroom, I might add...taped them together, squeezed the roll into her microphone stand and made a telescope.  She said she was writing down what cars drove by, what color they were and their numbers and letters on the tag. :)