A Crossfit Lesson

This past Saturday, Jerad played stay-at-home dad for the day, so I could go play.  I entered my first individual CrossFit competition in Olathe, Kansas.  In true Crossfit fashion, the proceeds from the event went towards providing vitamins and nutrition for malnourished children all over the world.  The company is called Life Equals and you can check it out here.  The group does some really amazing things as well as puts on a great event.

A group of 10 of us went from the Crossfit McPherson Y team.  I've been training there off and on this off-season.  So it was SO much fun to cheer on my teammates as we pushed, pulled, lifted, and squatted our way through 3 workouts in one day.  Some of of the participant's PR'd (got personal records) in their lifts so that ALWAYS makes a competition worthwhile and amounts to a whole lot more bragging rights post-workout!  

This event not only tested our endurance, strength, mental toughness, and cardiovascular health...but this past weekend also presented another challenge I have not had to face in a Crossfit competition yet: people's (including myself) lack of integrity.  The workout was called Max Snatch.  So I chose to interpret the workout as just that.  Lift as heavy as a weight over your head as you can.  Others chose to lift lesser weight and do more reps.  Which wasn't how the programmers intended the workout to be done, but unfortunately a loophole left people with a decision...do what they ask and possibly lose a spot on the podium or do other than what they ask and place in the top 3.  Well, I chose to do the workout as they asked because I knew I couldn't accept an award knowing I didn't follow the rules.  

But this wasn't the lesson I learned.  After this workout was over, I became very angry and bitter.  I am an eternal optimist and so I choose to see all people as good until they prove me otherwise.  Well, that is what happened.  Some very athletic women, who I admire and looked up to, let me down, in a sort of way.  I was disappointed.  And I could not get out of my head why and how someone could do this...'cheat' the system to win...and so then I let it take over my thoughts and mind...it began to snowball and then I began to verbalize my disgust.  Words I never should have said began to tumble out of my mouth.  I had trouble sleeping that night as I tossed and turned over why I was letting it bother me so much.  

"Was I upset because I didn't place, even though I knew I did the right thing--knowing I probably would have otherwise?"

"Was I that disappointed this much in the athletes that did the workout different than I did, in order to win?"

"Was I upset with myself for selfishly wishing I had gotten the praise I thought I deserved?"

"Was I upset with myself for letting this bother me so much?"

"Or was I just so tired I was letting this take over my mind out of pure exhaustion?"

I woke up Sunday morning nice and early at 5 am, thanks to Autum's screaming.  I couldn't go back to sleep after getting her calmed down, so I flipped open my Bible, praying for peace of mind.  My reading for that day was Ephesians 4.  And it couldn't have been more timely. 

"Eph. 4:29: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth's, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen...get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

SLAP. IN. THE. FACE.

I guess God knew I needed it laid out quite obviously, with no error for interpretation.  So I immediately hit my knees.  Pleading for forgiveness.  For my selfishness.  For letting my anger turn sinful.  For the words I spoke out of bitterness.  For the lack of building others up.  For not being thankful for the compassion Christ continues to show me, despite my shortcomings.

And it was like a weight lifted.  Literally!  

Immediate release.  Freedom.

Thank you God for your mercies that are new every morning.  I went to that competition hoping to learn my weaknesses, physically, not realizing my biggest lesson learned would be a spiritual one.  

I added that one to my workout log for this week. Lesson learned.

A Birthday Built for 2

We celebrated Autum and Blake's birthday's this past weekend.  Since Autum is born October 1 and Blake November 1, it only makes sense to do the parties together.  Especially since at this point in their lives, they have no idea otherwise, and until they do, they will be sharing birthday's...as well as everything else that makes my life easier!

So we celebrated "Elmo" style!

We invited all of our family members and close friends and we ate Elmo cupcakes.  Blake wanted nothing to do with the red frosting at first sight.  He cried and pointed that he wanted it 'off.'  So I proceeded to cut Elmo's face off...and Autum began to cry "Elmo...bye bye...Nooooo!" So we had to do some reconstructive surgery on Elmo's face to stop the crying. So I proceeded to shove a bite of frosting in Blake's mouth to get him started and the rest was history...he gulped it all down in typical "Blake" style...shove it all in at once and make a huge mess!

We snacked on fruits and vegetables.  Guacamole and tortilla chips.  Pumpkin cake.  All the kid's favorites!  Then we got to the good part.  Opening gifts!

And to say the least, we should be set on toys for a long while.  Blake got lots of fun sensory toys that will help me when working with him on his motor skills, verbal skills, and interactions.  They got 2 of a lot of things, because that's how it goes around here now.  Saves me a lot of conflict resolution work and redirecting.  I did not have to entertain much today because they were busy playing, hopefully the newness sticks around a few more days so I can get caught up on laundry and cleaning!

I couldn't help but look around at all of the family and friends that surrounded us during the party.  People who have accepted Blake into our lives so easily and have loved him unconditionally.  My cup was full as I drank in all the blessings and praised God for His goodness.  That is the best gift I could ever give my kids...the love of family.  And I hope someday they are able to look back and realize the blessing it is and has been in their life.

And we ended the day with another dive in the leaf pile...new baby and all!

Happy Metcha Day Anniversary!

This day last year, we got off a smoky, 15-hour train ride, in Lugansk, Ukraine.  The home of our little man, Blakester!

This was a day we had been planning for months, as excitement, nervousness, and so many emotions were swirling around in our hearts, minds, and stomach!

You can read about it all here  "Metcha Day!"

Such a little guy a year ago.

This is still one of my favorite pictures from our first day meeting him!

You can see his fear and uncertainty here...

Compared to today!!  We love you SO much little buddy!

Giving Thanks.

Lately I've been overwhelmed with the sin of this world.  The echoes of the thundering fall of man in the Garden of Eden so long ago are still reverberating today.  Loud and clear.  And they are weighing heavy on my heart lately.

The echoes of injustice.
The echoes of an infant's death only 4 hours out of the womb.
The echoes of the cries of so many orphaned children, lonely, desperately wanting love and attention.
The echoes of a grandparent's sudden death.
The echoes of enacting 'tough love' on a rambunctious 6-year old.
The echoes of bad decisions made.
The echoes of fear of the unknown.
The echoes of having to let go of control.
The echoes of depression.
The echoes of homelessness.
The echoes of financial trouble.

So many things, so near to me.  All weighing in on my soul.  It can seem so hard.  It can seem hopeless.  Some days feeling like throwing in the towel, while crying out, "Why? Why?  Lord, save me from this.  How can this happen?"

But one thing I have seemingly forgotten.  Is to be thankful.  It is so easy to become worn down by all the pain.  The heartache.  The unexplainable.  The unknowing.  The hurting.

There are SO many terrible things happening in this world.  Way worse than the worst pain I've experienced.  But lately, in relation to my own life, one of the echoes I spoke of, comes directly from my difficulty here in our home.  Hint..hint...we have a 6-year old...

And it has just plain been tough, lately.  Sometimes I feel like I'm raising a 16-year old already.  Many nights I just pray, "Lord, why can't I just have a 'normal' child?  One who doesn't question everything?  One who doesn't fight back with so much passion?  One who can handle the 'typical' things in life?  One who just goes with the flow of life?  One who doesn't get so much under my skin?  One who doesn't know how to push my every button?  One who takes up so much of my energy and thoughts and prayers?

One who isn't SO MUCH LIKE ME..."

And there are days when its so tiring.  So hard.  And very difficult to love.

And I've seemed to let those negative thoughts take over and consume my whole being.  To infiltrate my mind.  My efforts.
And have left me not being very nice or patient, or kind, or joyful...

And then I remember that joy always comes with giving thanks.
So I have been working to write down every thing that comes to mind about my child that I'm so VERY thankful for.
Because I need my heart, mind, and focus to be changed.  I need a break in the clouds of darkness I've let loom over my soul.
I have overlooked the beauty Christ created in my child.  And that He created her and said "it was good."  And that she is fearfully and wonderfully made.  And that He has big plans for her future.  Her passion.  Her zeal for life. 

So for today...
I am thankful for her wholesome love for people.